tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1738648705787837342024-03-04T21:20:31.285-08:00In the persuit of composite beauty and mindDurga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-48201443952288973132020-03-23T07:15:00.001-07:002020-03-23T07:15:49.818-07:00choosing the odd one I like my job... The fringe benefits are priceless: clean air to breathe...; stillness, solitude and space; an unobstructed view every day and every night of sun, sky, stars, clouds, mountains, moon, cliff rock and innocent students; a sense of time enough to let thought and feeling range from here to the end of the world and back; the discovery of something intimate - though impossible to name - in the remote. I like my job because uncivilized people live here and I see area to make revolution. I see more human effort here than luxury. I see horse helping human and Cows making human living. I see people valuing small amount of money. I see people bare foot stepping over sharp stones and sticks. I smell human sweat over the torn clothes. I see evolution here which my parents did at past because everything is thirty years back here.<br />
I had chosen to live in such an uncultivated habitat cutting the network between friends and families. Did I make a mistake? Many people thought so, and told me in uncertain terms that I was being away from comforts that I deserved. I agreed, it was of some meanings but I had a purpose for being here. The purpose was to grow some age in the mountain, not to shrink but to become part of a wood and to see nature little closer.<br />
This is my sojourn; I live quite far from my loved people. But as far as this heart is open and free; I am spontaneous.<br />
Sometimes, I become aware of the immense silence in which I get lost. Not a silence so much as a great stillness - for there are a few sounds: the creak of some bird in a tree, an whirlpool of wind which passes and fades like a sigh, the ticking of the watch on my wrist - slight noises which break the sensation of absolute silence but at the same time exaggerate my sense of the surrounding, overwhelming peace, a suspension of time, a continuous present. If I look at the small device strapped to my wrist, the numbers, even the sweeping second hand, seem meaningless, almost ridiculous. Wilderness aches sometimes, it’s lonesome but it becomes urgency to reconnect with natural world. This is how natural elements become my friends. They hear my voice and I hear them, there is rhythm between us. And this is probably how I got adapted to live here.<br />
The more I learnt about the basic human efforts, the more convinced I became with my dream and life. It was through accepting myself as an ordinary boy I got to live like bizarre.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioTTN7hH5O8GxN-ZQGVmDvZDsoh-OfBbB1urXInvS429XhpWOyli_jM5XQgOkAOOJgUChPCRfBWfWHAnd0wuC0GJIqR8v-YXpxLTbxRQxMv-1MCUZC4-zmUPM8wjN3fIZLnIhuacZ-_Yk/s1600/Screenshot_2019-05-28-23-19-07-033.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioTTN7hH5O8GxN-ZQGVmDvZDsoh-OfBbB1urXInvS429XhpWOyli_jM5XQgOkAOOJgUChPCRfBWfWHAnd0wuC0GJIqR8v-YXpxLTbxRQxMv-1MCUZC4-zmUPM8wjN3fIZLnIhuacZ-_Yk/s400/Screenshot_2019-05-28-23-19-07-033.jpeg" title="Chimuna 2018" width="225" /></a></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-40799117777513190592013-09-29T01:41:00.001-07:002013-12-04T19:41:56.541-08:00I prefer the absences and the big empties <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I prefer the absences
and the big empties </span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCVvB5WNGP_rl27otJjtYaEZIgsg_w5orN2ZuN8YkHwRl2S16VOW9CKsFFQaJ9pe-ehqxMpporK7Hm3nx24t_me4au1DMu5fWJzcQxQmCc1QvzxQRFojFkvgqVhU7QgdgD2K3qE1eZiJY/s1600/601626_502758379765932_1885471743_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCVvB5WNGP_rl27otJjtYaEZIgsg_w5orN2ZuN8YkHwRl2S16VOW9CKsFFQaJ9pe-ehqxMpporK7Hm3nx24t_me4au1DMu5fWJzcQxQmCc1QvzxQRFojFkvgqVhU7QgdgD2K3qE1eZiJY/s320/601626_502758379765932_1885471743_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Feeling
the pure wind of flawless mountain and trees, looking deep inside the common
atmosphere,</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am astonished
to realize that the pure landscapes suffocate me. But there is no curtain in my
eyes</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> to hide the soft horizons of thoughts. I prefer the untouched land and all
the edge of virgin sunshine over it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When we look around over restless forest
and leaves, we may see something of the wind that stirs it, which </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">comes to our
nose with burning emotions..Though nature is on the whole of law unto herself
in matters of </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">emotion and altitude, she is not a random force and does not work
altogether without knowledge. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-right: -40.5pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A man on foot, on horseback or on a bicycle will see more,
feel more, enjoy more in one mile </span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">than the motorized tourists can in a hundred
miles.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-right: -40.5pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The
restless Pachu, the towering Dzong, the silent Ngamayzampa, what do they have
in common? And what are </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">the essential differences? greatness, color, largeness,
the power of the history and custom , that which lies beyond </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">the ability of
visitors <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to wholly grasp or utilize,
capture and write poems, these qualities are all commonly<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>shared. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The lonesome walk benefits the
feelings that are priceless, clean air to breathe.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Those willows shades over us like</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> a
delicate umbrella against the angry sun.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> Stillness of all
pebble and wooden planks, solitude and space for passers</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> is this bridge. An
unobstructed view every day and every night of sun, stars, clouds, moon in the
sky and cliff </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">rock that are heavenly designed. A sense of time enough to let
thoughts and feeling range from here to the end of </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">the world and back; the
discovery of something intimate with soul of nature and man. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-right: -40.5pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">A
man come and feels something different, breaks his heart but not mountains,
rivers or trees that remains for </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">eternity and for next generation, they are
real but we are of hope and fantasy. This is why man has tears, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">heartbeat, and
the sense that we are never complete but little things to think and weep.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> If one seal him from the </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">nature and
isolate himself within a mind prison of his own creation then he is lost from
the earth, he has never felt </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">the reality touch or voice of the god.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-right: -40.5pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In unexciting sojourn I watch every sun shine
in hopes of seeing the dream. The dream is seldom seen in</span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> flash of light that
rises from the Jhomolhari like a bursting fountain at the moment when rays swells</span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> through my broken window. It vibrates into the sky for five second and disappears;
one more reason to</span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> keep moving.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: -13.5pt; margin-right: -40.5pt; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Our world is not a patch of bliss
and changeless perfection where the human lie down and revolve around mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> If men
hear the sizzle of grasses, understand the murmur of river and look at</span> <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">chirping birds from nest to nest </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">then he belongs to universe of freedom and infinite truth. He remains a part of
the environment he walks through</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> and that vision has no limitation or definite
boundary. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: -9.0pt; margin-right: -40.5pt; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am concerned with the textures and
tastes, sights and sounds, that brings me upon the zest of living in the empty
path.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like to hide those painful times
under the care of those rocks where passers steps upon it and compress under</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> cold ground. Sometime, letting it flow with river that has voices making
melody, the stately flow up and down</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> on sweeping currents that touches the
stones and beaches, swirling in pools, dividing against little flowery </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">islands,
breaking sad and sorrow here and there, ever rejoicing, yet with deep solemn
undertones recalling the ocean.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-right: -40.5pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I prefer absence and big empty for I knew how to see things
from my own eyes and feel from my own heart….</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: -4.5pt; margin-right: -40.5pt; margin-top: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I
had these feelings under observation ever since my arrival at any place after
depart from my love, hoping to</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> learn something from it, to discover the
significance in its form, to make a connection through its life with whatever </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">falls beyond. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It is
possible, in deep space, to talk with non human. Our feeling is the activity
closely related to what </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">we call our soul. To create feelings is not absurdity; it
can be one way of knowing silence, by recognizing ourselves</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> in the fullness of
our being and certain another ways of living in this extraordinary world.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0Paro, Bhutan27.273754344634796 90.96496593207120927.047930344634796 90.642242432071214 27.499578344634795 91.2876894320712tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-74253426209915949922013-09-29T01:20:00.000-07:002013-09-29T01:20:54.526-07:00Perfect country to be born and die<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In this small country I watch every sun rise in
hopes of seeing the beautiful days ahead.</span> <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I see the spectacle of
morning from the hill-top over against my peaceful house, from dawn to dusk,
with emotions which people might share. The long slight crystal of clouds
floats like eagles in the desert of hot light. The hope and inspiration to
survive strikes like a spurting fountain at the moment of each sunrise remains
for three seconds and disappears. It has always been one more reason to keep
going. I realize that peaceful country always drags us to find more and more,
it is significant to feel happy.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> I love Bhutan because the living cultivations are priceless:
clean air to breathe, stillness in politics, solitude and space of freedom and
containment. It has unobstructed view every day and every night of smiles,
culture, ornaments ,hills, moon and stars and so on. These are the components
enough to let thoughts and feelings range from here to the end of the world and
back; the discovery of something intimate. This is a place that I chose to live
and die for hundred reasons not only for luxury but in a necessity of the human
spirit.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bhutan is the daughter of volcanic plates that
erupted upon the sky. Now it kisses the incense of god and relaxes in the palm
of sun. The cold wind of heaven embraced the daughter into mother<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>nation. Herbs and medicine preceded the
vision of spirituality. The necessity of surveillance captured the eyes of
human. It created dramatic significance to the founder of truth and mediators.
Later it was sojourn to the exiled saint who was the precious jewels at whose
feet one submits popularly known as Zhabdrung Rinpochhe. Without his presence
Bhutan would never be born as a unique nation. He is a man behind every success
and unification. His vision and prayers was the root of Bhutanese strength.
Most of the custom and culture originated from him where present citizen of
Bhutan feels it should never be lost.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The happiness after depended upon wars and victory,
blood and tears. For small and land locked soil there was a need of right
leader who can visualize the peace in future. Some decades lasted with
consequences and fight and there were different opinions for the same thing.
There were attack externally and dispute internally till the birth of monarchy
and leadership. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The modernization had just pinched Bhutan when
western world were at the end of globalization but their sweats must be counted
when we can realize how we stand today. We know our ancient citizens were
restless and undefeated to make living for them and coming generation. Now
nothing is unseen if we measure the growth of developments. We can assume that
Bhutan has reached to the start point were identity is counted as nation. It
means our dragon can swim in the air of Bhutanese breath and take over the
guidance and values. Now, people continue their services, Monarchy has already
taken over the rest. When citizen has right to survive there is a touch in
people that they would do something for country and wellbeing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This place has been gift of god, the fertile soils
kills the Bhutanese hunger. People never stopped making a valuable contribution
to the continuity of human race. The Himalayan Rivers would have produced
thousand watts of electricity before dumping into Brahmaputra. Those hilly
mountains are now curved into waves of tarries. Unlike in the past, today,
people enjoy night as equally as day with glowing bulbs and each home has at
least produced doctor and an engineer. After these what is the need in human
that compares haven lives? There is nothing greater than being lived as human.
It may go beyond of invention but it’s just of creation and for reassure. Rich
nation does not make peace full people but Bhutan being a poor country has made
every one rich and happy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The glory that captures the Bhutanese eyes is the
hill that glows late dusk. The birds that sing and dance mountain to mountain
and return to the nest build on unknown caves. Moreover, its people who lose
their sweats for few grains that are swallowed for quite happiness. Heavens
need not be in the skies rather it can be in the land that has happiness and
the joy that takes nightmares. Bhutan has measured minimum of spiritual lives.
To those who lives for eternity, Bhutan and its custom teaches a lesson that
birth must be followed by the death.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And
the places</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are no hidden beauties and greater differences
in any places nor does it have any power of healing this lonely heart. Every
place takes a power of eyes that are in touch with inner feelings. The place
need not be crowded or designed with artificial ornaments to grab the
happiness. The reality lies in the natural peace and in the arts of god that
are most beautiful. Mostly this virgin land holds the gift of heaven and
captures the new eyes. Our joy is realizing that all of nature’s beauties exist
for our pleasure because beauty is for feeling heart. Any land on this world
has chosen its own place and takes the shape of earth. It has its own
adaptation and seasons. It chooses its own birds and animals, crops and
vegetables. Therefore, it is the simplicities in nature that are the most
soothing to our soul. Every place remains same as it did century ago but it
shows changing colours with every coming seasons with new lessons and feelings.
It tells us that we too are changing with time and space. There is a nature
never selfish for human values. There are inspirations with every act of natural
forces. The wisdom taught by it is what we hardly obtain from human. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I ask myself, would I have been a different sort of
person if I had born in Las Vegas or in concrete jungle instead of Bhutan where
every lonely nature wants to speak up. Perhaps not, but the people I have met
along the way who has greater influence would have been completely different.
The person with whom I cherished the happiness, the mates with whom I faded my
sadness and one who lightens the burden of mine would never be the same.
Mostly, to make a buck would be easy but to make a difference without teachers
would be unattainable. Therefore, the holidays I consider this life from
heaven. It is sort of a party I got to enjoy being in this beautiful hills and
mountains. This is sojourn where people pray to live before they close their
eyes to unknown world. Within a country we change a place to live and continue
learning and once I wrote it when I was in Paro:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Through extensive coverage of mind<sup>,</sup>
looking Paro intently into its beauties; I found myself into sadness sojourn.
Walking under all the shaded willows, the melody of music in its stillness
causes no wholesome monotony of all chirping birds and creping insects. The
visitor’s passes by capturing the monster build on the hill of stable peak of
Rimpung. Its architect takes one to ancient era where people have suffered and
created miracle. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The silver lining clouds flies over the elegant town
of happiness providing rain to upset farmers. When those crops are grown into
golden yellow it dances with the tone of western wind. The soft waves are
momentous and create beauty in the eyes of those who finds the pleasure in
nature. Seasons changes and we do with the colours of feelings creating no bias
with past, we know how to live a day completely. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The moment of life all mystery and illusion</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see
crack in every sun </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unexpressed bemoan
and drunk with grief<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In deep and deep</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nature are never tired
of giving human values</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The motivation is created with myriads of trouble,
with the journey we travel without parents. We become little father of our own,
a mother when we cook for ourselves. Every next place had been a second home
where we knew how to live alone. Paying the rent out of empty purse and trying
to fetch someone without oneself eating. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To see the world in a grain of sand, And heaven in a wild flower</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hold infinity in the
palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Knowing what I was fighting for, I kept struggling
for my dream than I loosed the battle of everything. If not today I see the
world better, tomorrow it might disappear. The fact is that no one knows about
our plan and hope. Our path is always there and we go along the way we find
happiness and comforts. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">12/ 5/2011</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“The mountain makes man realize just how
insignificant he is. At the same time, they allow one to remain an individual
instead of being swallowed up in the crowd. Like Ruskin Bond have chosen hill
for poetic living, I also choose the hill for the purpose of writing. Being in
this simple country it was a chance to know what is best in surviving. Life
takes anywhere, like sometimes of widely, despairingly; acutely miserable,
racked with the sorrow, but though it all, I still knew quite certainly that
just to live is a grand thing. So I like living than just to survive the
breath.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As I was able to realize what Bhutan was from the
sense that I thought Bhutan was the small place where I was grown up. That
time, I visited one faraway place and I found Bhutan in the sign board of a
shop and I asked my brother, “how come it is Bhutan again?” He explained me
that Bhutan represents the name of the country where we live in. I got
something in my head but I was not clear with my empty head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As day went on and being wide awake I came to
know what it really was. Thereafter, my reality was Bhutan and those soils I
was so well rooted with. Now as I visit every new place I feel am completing
the puzzle of Bhutan’s map. With every exploration and being encaged with each
individuals I feel new people to these place will never fade into loneliness or
get separated with the humanity because the broad smile and kindness shown by
our citizens supports the feelings of each vacationer. There is some
appreciation that I don’t ever loose knowing the people of country side. I
admire those farmers who work day and night making a valuable contribution to
the continuity of human race. I like the way they know less and makes human
life easy and desire less .There is no cocktail parties nor there is advanced
literary crowed but there is their own ways of creating happiness and living
completely with their loved one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<br /></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-33565725637744319402013-09-29T01:05:00.000-07:002013-09-29T01:10:04.417-07:00Daddy’s note<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Daddy’s note</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I was just missing her and I felt asleep………………………….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had to shout over sky several times asking a daughter to
read a daddy note. It was a note that I wrote it when I was in school, along
the river side and when I missed her mom during high school days. I started
sharing things with her before I met her mother. The feelings went over
sometimes giving me ache in my mind. Sometimes it was wrong to think because
the extreme crave would become a habit. My wife knew about it because all my childhood
and school days I was sharing that with her and luckily I got to marry her. Even
friends around knew it because my face book were filled with child girl images.
Some time somebody would comment me “First try to be a good father”…When the
first time doctor announced that she was pregnant, I just looked up and smiled
to the god thinking he would have given me a daughter. Crazy things went on,
talking, listening through stomach and irritating my wife.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally, God had listened me and I felt good when my wife
gave me the greatest gift from heaven.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The closet was already full with beautiful pink dresses,
teddy, Barbie and all the toys that I thought my daughter would enjoy some
days. I had arranged separate bed room for her designed with all white nylon clothes
hanged in princes’ decoration. I decided her name before I knew how to be a
father. She started growing in my embrace and cradle given by her grand ma. I
taught her how to say papa and when she first said it I just drank bottle of
wine because I couldn’t believe I had become a father to a daughter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Days went on but I kept working hard for her because I never
wanted to bore her because she is not only my gift but my wish. I waited desperately
thinking when she would grow up so that she would read my note. When she turned
one year old on 27 may I didn’t know in which way I should celebrate her birth
day. I thought I will celebrate in the most expensive hotel so that she would
be impressed when she finds her first birth day image when she is grown up and
I did that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later, I was the happiest dad ever and I enjoyed my entire
carrier. When I was in office I used to admire my little daughter from my
screen saver which I used to keep every day. Once I was late from my office and
for excuse I went bakery to get the sweetest cake to my wife and daughter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before I knocked the door I smiled thinking I would surprise
my wife. I knocked the door but she didn’t open the door and I just felt she
was angry with me for being late. I shouted and said “I am sorry dear! I had a
work in the office”. Still she didn’t open the door and she gave me no voice.
So I rushed toward window and looked inside the room and saw she was deep in
sleep where baby was sucking her milk. I called her but she didn’t move but
baby cried when she heard my voice and came toward me. I thought something was
wrong with my wife and I broke the window and entered the room, rushing. I felt
something terrible, didn’t know where cake went but I held baby and went to see
my wife. I just found she was no more living for us. I couldn’t feel my feet on
the floor and I just felt blind. Her image came over my eyes like I saw her for
the first time I met her. I waited her to wake but she didn’t do. After
completely knowing that she would never wake up I called my mom after some
minutes. They rushed like a light and asked me so many questions which I didn’t
know how to answer. Within no time every one filled my room and what they could
see is just one lonely man with a child who doesn’t know what happened.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was numb; nothing came in my brain till I finished her
bereavement. People visited me, they just said to take care and visit them
sometime for any baby help. This happened for while but when her bereavement
finished nobody came to see me and even our parents went home just leaving baby
and me. Although I used to feel so happy to get my daughter but that happiness would
not be complete when my wife was not there but I never tried to realize that
when she was with me. I use to feel that I was happy because I got my daughter and
it was wrong thoughts. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There after I came to realize how important she was for me.
I was idiot to act crazy with daughter neglecting to love her like I used to do
before. I didn’t feel her heart how she would have felt when I shifted my whole
love toward my daughter. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know she was
feeling that because once she gave me daughter she loosed her confident with me
after knowing that I was happy with daughter. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized that I
have tortured her inside. May be for that reason she didn’t have reason to live;
so god called her. I regret everything that I did after I got my daughter. When
I lost her it was like losing every one and even daughter was not enough. It
was good to be happy for a child but it was worst to neglect a wife for the
happiness of a child. I felt we had never decided to have baby because that was
the decision to let her go. Or I would have equalized my love with both of them
so that even when she leaves me I would have not regretted. Though I was the
best father but never the best husband. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day I was arranging the things inside room and something
came on my head about the diary she used to hide all the time. So I just went
to her bed room which I kept as it is like she used to keep so clean. I opened
the dower and saw it. There were many notes about things that came across her life.
Some pages were filled with how lucky she was with me. She has written about
the holidays in Hawaii beaches, her pregnancy, and my love and about her
parents. One of the pages tells like this:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">“You know,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">You used to
talk good things with me and make me feel good all the time. You were never
selfish to share things that hurted you and make yourself feel better. Whenever
you share thing with me I kept watching your eyes that tells me your pain and
happiness more than your words. There were many wishes that you had with me but
out of many you had one common wish which was to have daughter from me. I
didn’t promise that at a time to give you a daughter but just inside me I
always asked that from god for you. I am afraid if those wish don’t become
reality and it is for sure you will dislike me for a quite. So will you promise
me if that turns out to be opposite? I can feel your desire but I will still
let you feel love because child means either boy or girl and has equal right to
be loved…..”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Love Comet</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t know it that she wanted to give me a daughter. I
think she had also become happy because she could fulfill my wish but I blame
myself because despite her happiness I become selfish. Any how I was good for
her till she gave birth. She even have written about it in free time when I was
in office which says</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Dear, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">You were
struggling since when you saw me and I find you doing that, still. I feel
guilty to let you suffer just because I am pregnant. Although, I need your help
but you do all the works which I can also do as if I am forbidden to touch
things. I am glad dear, because at this moment, though you are so much burdened
but you never forget to show me smile. I am happy for choosing you because now
I knew you would provide me comfort when I want. I feel bad for those days that
I never tried to understand your feelings. Even when you considered me the
world I had just known you as my friend. Now I will not regret rather I will
show you wife and friend in me. I will go back to my feelings and change it now
so that I can make you complete when I am totally yours. I have no regret that
you are my husband. It would be glad for me to point you if our children ask
about my first love. Whatever pain you have gone through in the past when I was
not considering your love, now it’s my turn so that you will be happier than
me. I will not tell you because it’s already curse for me. Even if I had chosen
someone I would be happy but now I have realized that I would have never been
this much happy if I had not chosen you. I got to know about you and your love
to me. You have proven me your words. Your attitude and the ways that gives me
the breath are so living. Anyhow today I want to say that you are not changing
for me and I promise even I will not….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Love </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Comet</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
I just used to feel that I care our love more than her but it wasn’t. The
only things that went on were the silence of each other‘s feelings. She
couldn’t share and I too. Even when situation demanded we were silent just
thinking our truth inside. It is just bad to assume things. It is worst
decision to hide feelings that are good for other soul. I just shouted at me
why I didn’t tell how much I love her every time. I have learned that we should
always leave loved ones with loving words because it may be the last time we
see them. With all the love regret occupied my mind and now I am more guilt
with her because I came to know how she had felt when I gave my life to my
daughter leaving her alone.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those letters she had written were the most unanswerable.
Thoughts went beyond the skies, baby started crying for mother’s milk and I
would just manage it from nearby milk firm which I had no option. Some months
have passed and my office leave was ending. I planned if I could find baby
sitter so that in my absence she would take care of her. I went searching for
that but I felt those people will not care my daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally I decided to call my mother to look
after so that I will work peacefully in office. My mother agreed and she helped
me a lot till she became three. Her next birth day came but I lost interest to
celebrate without her mother. I just brought a cake and lit a candle and
whispered to her but those voices turned out to be a loud cry. I just felt
incomplete and my daughter would not know how to console me because she doesn’t
know about human feelings being too young.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought her diary would console me and again carrying baby
in the back I started reading her final page which I didn’t read before.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Dear</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything came to occupy you and you are
forgetting this poor lady who has become second option. When you started buying
clothes for a daughter I didn’t say anything just because I thought things will
not change. You were loving husband till I gave birth. At least you had love
for me because the baby was still inside me .Now she is out and you are holding
her as if you don’t need me. It‘s fine that you love her because she was your
wish but it doesn’t mean I don’t need your love. Look at yours self what are
you doing? Did you ever talk about making me happy? Did you ever hugged me
while leaving or coming from office after having child? I know you didn’t but
still I understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But don’t continue
this for long because one day I will get fade up with this understanding. How
can I speak to you about this? Though I write here it doesn’t make any changes
on you because you will not read it and one day will be too late.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">I still want
you beside me. I want our child in between us so that we share common love but
you are taking it as if you can feed her milk. Don’t do this. One day she would
grow up and become some ones love and that time you will have no rights to
share same love as you do now. It doesn’t mean not to love her but too much
intimacy spoils your expectation. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">When you are
totally involved with her I feel I am alone in this house. I feel you are
forgetting me. Your happiness has shifted towards her. Sometimes I feel lonely
because you hardly touch me. I hope one day you will realize it and once again
come closer to me…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Love </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Comet </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chapter 2</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">As a mother</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Give time to love,
give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.</b>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hold hands and cherish the moment for
someday that person will not be there again.</b></div>
No matter how bad our heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for our grief.
The people we care about most in life are taken from us too soon. When there is
second chance it is not much exciting. Every first thing in the world is the
most valuable but when something is lost we don’t value what we have. The fate is
not counted after breaking heart into pieces. Likewise she was the most
valuable thing in my life and I loosed it to early. When she was with me I
didn’t try to find out her secret eagerly. If I had done that it could change
my life forever and I would not be going through the tunnel like this. <br />
I fell heavy not only because she was not with me but also looking at my
child who has missed the warmth of her mother. I don’t know what answer I would
give her if she asks about her mother but as far as I believe I thought I will
let her experience mother in me. When nothing is there we live with imagination
that hunts us at the end when it is not true. Every move I made after her
seemed like I was dreaming. Feeding a child and letting her sleep was a hard
sometimes because of her mother instinct. I cried alone with a baby and that
would have allowed her soul to roam within our rooms. She might have touched
the baby all the time but living and death would have become a matter of
difference. Any how little days were enough for me to become a mother to a
child. Sometimes I would go shouting<br />
<br />
“ <span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Comet</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Everything you told me was a
lie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took me a long time to become
the person I wanted to be for you but when I became, you left me. Though I feel
sorry but sometimes we don’t show our feelings and I got to know how it would
feel when it is too late to share. Forgive me if you are hearing and just ask
another chance from heaven so that I will keep you hugging all my life. I know
it’s impossible but I have no ways to be happy here after. Though you were one
reason for me to live but it has become abstract reality. Your absence is
making me more than death and I don’t know how far I will try to live with this
pain.”….</span><br />
<br />
The extreme emotion can do anything. It makes any one mad but for me I could
do nothing out of madness. If only I was to live without her I could have gone
with her but because of child I had to survive carrying this pain so long. I
hated the life and my existence. The entire universe was like scary offender
.The water, sunlight and dark gave me no sensation. I just focused to a little
child playing in luxuries but felt those toys would be forgotten so that her
adulthood would be nostalgic. Time lets one accept difficult situation but
feelings never dies till our end.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
My
mind was full of regrets and when everything became short even splendid moment
shared after her was incomplete. At that time I thought I will have enough time
with her but I was wrong. Though I gave enough love but still then I thought I
could give it more <span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">but
precious thought for her went unshared because I never thought someday she
would not be there again. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Comet,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Your
time has already come and I don’t know why. Last thing I heard you were doing
just fine. It seems just yesterday I was laughing with you and sharing thing
that taught me well didn’t you? Though there is nothing to regret I better be
thankful for the moment we had shared but I know you went far away that I can
never see you again. Every parts I see has started hurting me and I guess If we
think there is anything that we have, that’s ours, like you were to me… it’s
nothing but an illusion for a pain. It all disappears in one blow that never
comes again to let one feel recover. How lonely things would go is what I am
knowing from you. You taught me how to live like a human but you missed me to
teach how to live after you which is killing me softly. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
was there for you; afraid of losing the kind of women or wife you were all the
time for me, holding on to you so tight that not a soul can touch it. I thought
by hiding it from the world, it’s hidden and it would be ours but was nothing.
Nothing ever was going to be continued. Nothing ever was living but just a
couple of memories that are bitter to think. Though it might be a curse but it
shouldn’t have been from your side. I could have accepted the panic if it was
within me but losing you has become the panic that I am not able to accept it. Now
I am insecure to re-start my lives,</span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I cannot give it up my feelings for
you and start it over because my emotion will surely get mixed with new
feelings that I would create and that is going to scare me…..</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As long as my heart goes beating, I promise I
will provide happiness to our daughter as I would do if you were living.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Missing you</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Everything I had dreamed was
slipping away but a fact my daughter was living was strength to find my
existence. The little girl instantly would relax and simply laid her head on my
shoulder, motionless in pure contentment but when I feel her weight I go beyond
the touch of tears that I wept aside her. She looked me straight in the eye,
and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, she expressed me
something that left me a different person, not only a father but mother to her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chapter 3</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Remember to say a
kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person
soon will grow up and leave your side.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aside the tragedy I had to make living so I started going to
office leaving a little baby in child nurturing center with insecurity inside
mind. I fill her Tiffin with hamburger and other fruits that she likes. Some
time I would send her cakes so that she would share among her friends. Sometimes
she used to complain about bigger boys who take away her lunch and I would
teach her how to adjust in such situation. Most of the time she had been the
last child to wait for her parents to get her and that always pinched me. When
I reach her campus she would run towards me with full of tears but she could say
nothing. Every time I used to ask her about her learning and she would mix up
all the songs and words that creates admiration in my eyes. Sometimes she gets
on the table and shows me the dancing steps until she is tired. But every time
I was afraid if suddenly she asks me about a mother then I will have difficult
time to explain. Therefore, I decided to inform care taker not to let her know
what mother means. It was hard time for me with such situation because I felt
my fate has become hard on her as she is not going to experience what mother
would mean. I knew one day she would realize about it and blame me but I had
things to tell her. I knew daddy note will always guide her even in her saddest
part.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">My little
girl,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">We must
understand that we are separated from God before every beginning. People become
choice less and they must try to adapt with it. Like your mother, I have seen
no one as beautiful as she did to my eyes. Now I have no choice. I spent
childhood with her talking how beautiful would be life if we have daughter but
now I am with my daughter and asking you “how would be a life if we had your
mother”. The dream has divided us is both wide and deep. When one was gained I
lost another and that made my life incomplete.</span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Incomplete
love is an emotional space where feelings are instantly drowned. To know love
we have to invest time and commitment but I got no time to prove it. I thought
that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of
bliss. I used to feel loved and receive the good feeling every time</span> <span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">doing nothing. But after knowing
the real power of the love I transformed myself to curse a god because he tells
lie to a good people. I feel too much things and could not find a way to shut
down my brain. Sometimes when I am feeling things, I couldn’t decide exactly
what to feel. That was the trouble after all. Life made a mess of the place and
even the presence of my daughter.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Forget it!” I always told myself. I advised myself to be
happy with little girl who stretch her arms to hold me. I tried to forgive
about my life that had ruined me. During weekends I would plan myself to visit
our parents and come with more courage to live like a strong man. Sometimes I
would meet my childhood friends in street and they would unknowingly ask me
about my wife and looking at my face they would say “did I hurt you” and I
would say, “No but a quit uncertain”. Explaining them brings back all the
memories that I was trying to forget but I couldn’t escape because they need to
know. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day I was sick and no one was there aside my girl to
look after me. I was sleeping on the carpet to cool myself. Little girl was
playing with her toys but she disappeared after sometime. I woke up and was
trying to see where she went. I reached the door but it was locked from inside.
I thought that she went to her room but I heard something in the kitchen and I
rushed toward it. Something happen for the first time, I saw maturity and her
mother in her. She was trying hard to reach kitchen table. I asked what she was
doing and she said, “Papa I want to prepare tea for you”. I said “you can” but
my eyes were already full of unstopped tears. I didn’t know why human has to
feel too much. I <span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">don't
want to be the one who says life is beautiful but I wanted to be the one who
feels it because every time I was feeling more than life provides. Little girl
became something that inspired me after my wife. I thought she is replaced in
some extend though joy are never at optimum.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Luckily I felt the growth in my girl and it bounced me to
next door of happiness that father could find himself. I was looking on to
those chairs, table and home settings that remained as it is. My wife had
bought a puppy doll that used to bark till it finishes its charge and still I
kept charging but I could feel even artificial machines would be tired. I
looked away from window and I saw those willows had grown so wide that it
couldn’t give shade to the one who has planted and I was just writing how that
tree might have felt</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Dear planter </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">I looked at
you when you first put me in the ground and I said to myself “I promise god, I
will shade this kind lady”. I felt freshness every day when you watered me.
Sometimes you used to murmur about my growth and wish “when will this willow
grow taller so that I would spent my tired weekends with coke”. Just now I
don’t see you when I am capable of fulfilling your wish. What I see is the
stillness of your home. I don’t see someone early in the morning wiping the
dust and keeping curtain open. I miss those smells of your room coming to my
breath. I used to dance with your music and smile with your care to your
husband. You were kind of lady that world must preserve but they paid less for
you and made every one lonely. I wish you were there for me so that I would
shade you with joy taking the radiation myself. I have no hope all days but
what I see is the pain in both human you have left in this home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Nature is not always kind and human too”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I felt Contemporary sadness but kind of proud that I could
feel the feelings of nature. Life just brought me empty but all chapters were
feelings and meaning. The story of my life just became the moral of my life and
I just went searching the thing I have never found.<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chapter 4</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let all be lost. Let them
take away everything. As long as you have your heart beating strong, as long as
you have your nostrils working fine, as long as the blood flows in your veins,
you will live, you will breathe and you can get it all back… again and again.
For, if you can do it once, you can damn well do it again. It’s just a game we
play – Life.</span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: right;">
<i><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">By
Rohit Wadhwaney</span></i><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tragedy happens and we become thrust of pinch inside every nerve
but why not people drink water was the thought ruling me. Even if there is
courage after drinking in a bar it would not let me speak because there is no
one to listen. I thought I can make another chance to live where I would never
be in depth of life. I would find pleasure looking just into my own valley that
would seem greener if I really find the truth within. Preparing meals and washing
clothes like a mom for a little girl. Every sunshine would be meaningful if I
find time to clean household and do some gardening that can bear beautiful
flower in every season. Going for drive and feed an ice cream to an angel who
can occupy me after her. Life will surely be good if I don’t think what had
happened and I thought that will give freedom to go ahead. I knew god can never
listen even if someone is going to die himself. A sky lies beyond but we see it
most and this foot never knows where mind would take. Making a choice is not
the best idea but creating ideas will be less hard. I thought we cannot be born
several times to change the hardest things in life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wanted to forget how I met her in primary school, wanted
to erase those beautiful words she had spoken to my ears. I wanted if those
touch and intimacy would fade in the wings of time but it was not happening
like I imagined. When my daughter comes and closed my eyes from the back I
would think if it was her mother but those wish would not be good for a little
one if she comes to know. So I decided to look at those dreamy eyes of my girl
like I used to see in my wife. Listening her heart beats that one day would
look after me and the breath she takes while in her deep sleep would become
softer when I am too weak. My mind used to revolve around my room, sometimes
taking her diary and read,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">U know,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Apart of
everything in my mind there is something that I cannot say with courage. Women
are for that weakness in every love she makes and that becomes the most
painful. But look at me it is happening differently and I guess you don’t know
that because you came in my life like I was in need of you. I know you fell in
love with me and you kept on following my foot print where I was selfish to
look at you. It pinches my mind every day because you would say the things that
were always in my eyes and I hate that. Most probably I blamed myself because I
saw you suffering in each words I said but don’t know why you felt it so good.
You tell me that you like to be in pain because there is reason to live but I
am too weak to be in pain. I don’t know why tear comes in my eyes when I think
about you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you are far away I just
think if I can be in your arm and cry as much as I can and let you know I am
also in love with you and may be more than you do. Those times never came and I
am just hoping one day life will be easier for both of us because I will marry
not other than you which I promised in front of the god. Once it was easy for
me to let you go but now even if everyone goes and if you are there for me I
can survive completely. I just think I will bring back all the happiness for
you because I had let you feel the worst of all my love. I have seen the truth
in your eyes that used to confuse me all the time. I may not love the way you
expect but I will do from what I understand and I hope you will like it because
I will never be selfish even if you go wrong. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">There is a
reason why I miss you every second. Our distance might be so far but I am in
touch with your heartbeats that are missing me. Though time were less those
time but it’s me who failed to live completely even when you were trying your
best. What to do I was afraid to fall in love with you because I felt I would
hurt my parents if I do in such young age. Though I was innocent and stubborn
to your feelings but today what I understand is that you were the right one who
fell for me. It’s not a joke for me anymore as I have known you more than I knew
myself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Today I am
missing you and I do not know what feelings are meant to be. I just feel you
were with me hugging me and telling stories of great love.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">Your comet</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I had seen such words I would reply it before and give
her courage to all roots of her love. If only I had known that she used to love
me when we were far away once then I would have never hurt myself in silence.
But god played a good role in my silence to let her fall in love with me even
though I never knew it unless after several years. I just used to feel that it
was one sided love. Even when I was damn down to earth I used to feel happy and
contend for what I considered her. I just met her and felt good to love her.
She went away and I loved in distance without any words. This was the time I
used to write a letter called “life after you” which is titled with “my first
love, whom I call my wife”. It was hardest of time and the best of the wisdom.
This period taught me more than anyone could teach me. World was going around
all the time giving me the best touch of the days. Living such life with one
who let us experience a love is the best surviving I ever found.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think I will not write it more, because I have not loosed
her, she didn’t die and yet I have never seen my daughter because I am not
married. I am just trying to know how important she is for me if I lose her.
Though I want daughter but I have known myself that even if I have it is not
going to fill my happiness. I think a lot about my wife and I don’t know how
she does for me so no more fairies because future might become what I have
never thought. To be continued,,,,,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-56122531822807651272013-09-29T01:00:00.001-07:002013-09-29T01:00:24.947-07:00A FATE OF FIRST MARRIAGE- story of my mom<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All the beginnings were at fault too, and off the
scent. Although the departure had been so quite since the first outbreak of the
second marriage but nobody knew it. Internally both the soul was supposed to
have been abandoned as hopeless. No implicated man or woman took courage or
made difference in their first and truthful love. What they shall say to people
in general is about the fate but this could be the decision of shameful
stepmother.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The happy days were yet to appear but the shadows of
night had gathered so fast that both of them didn’t notice that it was their
last day together. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After forty years, both the young man and women made
their families in different direction without any information. For them being
together in the past; the first child born from her is believed to be his blood
no matter how this fact will be considered by second husband. The child was a
boy and he was turning almost forty but he was happy with his own out bringing
till the date. He had already made a choice because his entire livelihood was
with second father since he was in a womb when his mother married with him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Apart this fact there was happiness in him provided
by new father because this fact was never talked or considered and life was as
usual for everybody, but he was always searched by his blood related father
which was suspended for decades. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The old man was in search of his first child and his
first wife though he also had good families. He had a secret reasons and he was
desperate throughout his lives. He was incomplete because he could neither
forget nor meet once. He sent several messages and request if his child and his
ex- wife could come and meet him for his grief recovery. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Although a child and mother heard of this news but
they were afraid of society and a father whom they were with. Especially a mind
and feelings of a mother was never known. She never shared her sadness with
anyone but looking at her eyes, there was pain inside her that she was also
going through that kind of pain that was going through in her ex- husband but
she was silent for the sake of her new families. She was weak and everything
revolved inside her and nobody asked if she wanted to meet him but the fact is
that she won’t meet because most of their life has already passed without it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Despite of mother being others, a child is always
his and every one can understand that, even his new father. So this made son
courage’s but sad things are that he couldn’t decide whom he really belongs to.
A constant request and invitation from first father made a boy to see him once
and make him happy. He decided to visit him but before that he asked his mother
and father to allow him and also to the rest of his siblings. He was allowed
and he visited for the first time with his wife and children and he was almost
to his door steeps…….Father watched unconsciously….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Reverting for a moment to his past betray, he
observed a tearful movement of his eyes towards his first son. He stepped aside
and his hand took support from pillar but he didn’t speak out of his own will
and desire rather he felt in his heart, a noble return of his past injurious
eyes. This was a moment he stayed to finish what was there in his longing mind.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was not so
strange to see the return from distance but so strange to have lived to his
time of life all empty. It was like a life yet to begin at that old age because
he saw something that was to be seen at forty years before. May be the boy was
missing in his mind and under his arm. He whispered that he never left a true
and loving heart behind for his son and his first wife. His breath fell like a
flame of fire and just that old story begun..…. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“This is a pillar your mother and I carried together
to build this house” he pointed at old pillar that he lined when the boy
appeared on him. “She worked hard to build my home as if our lives were to be
spent together”. He looked at that pillar with some disappointed in his face
but with a respectful and patient conviction that he still have her voice and
echo in his innermost heart. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I don’t blame her for this cause as she was too
innocent but all the time I boiled my blood thinking about her step mother who
arranged her second marriage and took her away from me.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">His frustration was reveled in his face that he will
never forgive her step mother because she was the root cause of their sorrow.
“My dear, at this phase, this heart won’t allow me to tell every detail about
those painful times I have gone through.” Father said in his fading voice...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What do I
know is nothing father” a boy said in his quite manner. “Of reality and truth;
aspiration and affection or all the part of my nature and boyhood has already
been nourished. Now what I can aspire myself is about your love and
remembrances. I know you have been so careful of me and what I would<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wish is to do little I can and the little I
am fit for your side, rest are all for your rest of the children because they
deserve the most.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Off course I know that”, father remarked, “I
actually do not see the application of my desire on you. It is satisfactory to
me. What I got has already been lost but the fact of my mind is usually goes
with practical mind. My case has already ruined when your mother was taken
away”. Father lined his back in his chair and bent his deep set eyes upon boy’s
face. Perhaps he might have seen one wavering moment in the boy…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A son said, “Your memories does more honor than my
insignificance deserve. I am more thankful as you drew my mother’s portrait so
perfectly. You presented her living image in your mind but the fact is that she
never shared this with me and she might have many good reasons about that.
Nothing more was said on this theme and even I was shock with this painful
history. I believe my mother had also fallen down to depart from you. She had
been quite all the times because she could have made no difference rather lay
hidden in her own closed heart.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The atmosphere began to be quite and due to too much
things to share both of them became quite for a while. Old man’s wife gave a
company without hesitation or being hurt for this story. She said to a boy, “I
also suppose that no one ever had occasion to think you differently. Even I
gave three sons and two daughters to your farther but with this fact we considered
you as our first son in our family hierarchy. I never made any objection to
your father about this fact since our marriage. I have grown old with him even
though he never erased the memories of your mother but I was positive of it and
I respected what he had for your mother as she being his first wife.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On that being told, Father explained that, “Love is
very strange things to be experienced and it is the very first love that goes
deepest. It is a dream of childhood, it is airy fables, it is graceful,
beautiful humane. Love can be first, second or third but first one with genuine
heart departs; it takes all the memories beyond the world of all lonesome and solitudes.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It is good to be believed in once, so good to be
remembered no matter what the hell life goes with. It happened with your
mother, as hope was started, next day neither she approached nor I could eat
her meal. Thinking how she had journeyed and how she might be making living
always gave me nightmare. Her feeble voice sounded so far away in her bundle of
shawl and the sound of another man hunted me the most but that always told me
the nature of my fate”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every line in
his face deepened as he said it and putted in its affecting evidence of the
suffering he had undergone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Although father had just begun his first verse of
his heart but those little words was huge sentiments for the listeners….and
this would never end unless he die, the songs of sorrow keeps overflowing every
day and every night…..</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The experience of an idle man who neither wants to
die nor forget his painful story is nostalgic and scattered among the crowed.
He is pretending the secret matter through the conscious death. He could have
been million times happier and wiser, more loving and contented if he had
changed his mind that strokes him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Likewise, his
love traveled the world through chain of hurdles. In the strength of his
misfortune he also had to marry someone to continue his living. He had enough
wealth and pride but when something is missing, till we get it we are still
incomplete. This was happening on him.</span></div>
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Everything is true and I made no pretence to you. I have seen little here and
there, ups and down; I have found it all to be worthless. The result of the
varieties of boredom I have already undergone and that is conviction that life
is different at any case. I pray no more, I am just satisfied to see you near
me and the memories of your mother will just get burnt with me and go for
eternal. Nothing is left, just to die soon and look for another chance if god
has seen”…..</span></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-41168851342205309892013-09-28T04:00:00.000-07:002013-09-28T04:00:12.124-07:00habitual thinking<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The influence of our evil habitual- thinking
was so wrong.</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thinking of the magnitude of the sky and
failures,</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mind creates myriad troubles and obstruction,</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Worried and inert, we filtered time away.</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It was fine when
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">As confidence
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Humanity and
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The freak mind
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Dissolving into
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Not knowing the
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<br /></div>
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troublesome and hard</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Piercing the
dangers like axe in the wood<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The journey in
future would be more hazardous than this.</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">There is a soul
upon the soul of other</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Trying to fly
without feather with own zest</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What one get is
not the success?</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But bring oneself to the ground of insanity,</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">-Durga
Raj</span></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-39543780926994945802013-09-28T03:53:00.002-07:002013-09-28T03:54:12.811-07:00A friend like me<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">`I often heard his heartbeats that are
racked with unpleasant gift of living. The questions that he carried throughout
his childhood days are still on the surface of his adult brain for quite
reason. I confidently ask myself why he smiles to favor me at any instant. I
know the degree of my attachment with him and I compare that with stars and sky
during night for wishers. I am astounded<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">
</b>why his thoughts are parallel<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>with
mine which please our secret into contentment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His belief in sensible world is what I feel true and I appreciate that
quality in him. I like him because he likes me. When he do things I don’t blame
rather I follow him as he leads me to certainty. I usually don’t ask upon the
sky why I am alone because some how he is with me over the feelings and
memories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I usually don’t think twice to
share something with him as I know he has that feeling. We solve things
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I like him saying, “your words make my
heart to pump in the peace….do you know people like you are there to kick the
world….” I know he will definitely be reminded this when he go through my book
and he will again say something and I am waiting for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wow! Just sticking with such pure guy is
wonderful gift in life, sharing the madness state of mind and creating lesson
from nowhere is called friend. I would never feel I am that much worth for him
but looking at his support he is truly worth for me. We make contribution to mankind
by loving and helping, that is why we could not avoid each other. We touch
certain extend of feelings with mixed thoughts and for being little
extraordinary we develop smile through sadden mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“<i>We grew together from toys robbery and
creating wounds hiding from parents. We fought each other from the dispute
aroused from child play. We were jealous with new cloth that we wore during our
festivals. We compared the properties of parents not knowing human values.
Sometimes we formed gang to fight each other but when one had something to eat;
another would come politely as if we have forgiven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the time hiding and seeking was our
favorite game. We climbed many trees, swam in dirty water like a duck. Hitting
each other not knowing it would cause pain. We burdened our mother in washing
those cloths colored with mud and dust. Our dad used to come with the stick and
I still feel the pain of nail that got inside my leg when I tried to escape and
that time you were laughing.</i>”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Childhood is something that brings smile
and laughter to me. It gives some painful sensation like falling from balcony
and stairs case. This is how we grew up from age of innocence. Now we have
something to share that we couldn’t understand because we were too young for
that. We were not ready for bigger thoughts because “I” was most important at
that time. We never had sympathy for other. We were too nuisance for mother to
buy what we wanted when she took us to market. This feeling is awesome because
now we know how to pay back their burden. Everything was not short but splendid
memories that have shown us the way to adulthood. Though our thoughts were like
a fairy tales but our dream had always been same, that is to become the best
son.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Though we were quite small we used to
talk about doing business and I know in that class nobody had done like us.
Though we knew every wishes cannot become true but it always reminded us that
wishes are the crave for going forward. These days we have taken our own
choices and responsibility and may be with a fate we seems far as there is a
junction in each coming years. It didn’t matter how much time I had with him
but as always I felt I had time with him fully. He ruled my silence because I
was satisfied with his understanding. I met many people but didn’t feel
complete like with him may be his five negative senses were absent. So this is
for you:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Prakash,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 8.8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“It has been very long, but I still
remember everything. I miss your embrace and the way you made me feel so safe.
I never thought we would be all the time together. I know our friendship together
has always been perfect though ups and down, but that's just the way life goes.
The way I feel for you doesn't go away. We grew together, whenever I opened the
door there you stood, a man with a heart the size of the heavens above. One day
lead to the next, and then days turned into months and months turned into years
and twenty three years later with our love we are still the same. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">After spending
time with you, I knew how real passion and love can be. You have opened my
heart, and opened the gate to a new world for me. Did you know you had such a
power?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life started to become so
different, even when my days seemed same. And I must confess that it's you who
has changed my outlook. You have opened my eyes to some amazing new
possibilities. I will forever be filled with a new sense of wonder and joy,
because you have shared yourself with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I must confess
that in some ways I feel inadequate. My mind is questioned; can I match your
gentleness? Can I give you feelings as warm and secure as the ones you have
bestowed on me? You have chosen to show me such strong passion combined with
secure sweet affection, that I can only hope with time you feel a glimpse of
the same emotions from me. But I can feel your eyes which are in need of me and
I guess I also complete you which you always told me. Thank you very much for
being my second self and letting me feel which I never felt. This is what I
call friendship for a life time where friends act more than god above.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 8.8pt;">
<br /></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-43435058501655500852013-09-28T03:52:00.002-07:002013-09-28T03:52:17.431-07:00Something aroused<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-22646769362883635922013-09-28T03:51:00.003-07:002013-09-28T03:51:44.309-07:00Some opposites <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Like a helping knife, it also takes a life; good
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one whom we cannot live without. We suffer because we want good things and
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time. My love told me not to love other unless love oneself. We value other as
if we don’t exist and need to care ourselves. Loving other is simply trying to
know someone neglecting our own soul and value. We are hurting the only heart
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everywhere as if we have not known the words from our teachers. We are thinking
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people. We are jealous as if we have not known the teaching of Buddha. What is
the use of loving someone if we don’t get it rather we love some books that
gives us everything. Don’t we think that we are neglecting other though they
are same? We just love them because we want to be under them and forget our
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think it. Only because of those thoughts I started knowing myself from my love.
I started to know the meaning why we have to hold our heart every day from
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Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-35227814154039040332013-09-28T03:51:00.000-07:002013-09-28T03:51:00.873-07:00Secret addition <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Books</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I thought knowing what others have written was waste
of time to believe them until I knew I was addicted for it. When I discovered
my own words I got to believe the words of each person that used to inspire me
with new feelings. If I had not completed reading my first book I would never
have known the taste of books I had done after. I would also never have had
conversation with rest of the authors who left the world so early. Though I
started with romance and love for I being young but the interest shifted
towards philosophy and realistic fictions to my own ideas. How would I have
been if I have not profited my first inspiration, I would just remain as one
ignorant individual. Those writers died without being recognized but imprinted
the lesson for coming hands and rectified the experience of others. The tone
and tragedy of those chapters were my living examples that I needed no
practical happening. Even being right inside the dark room I could touch the
desert, sun and darkness. Being in the soft blanket I could touch the thorns
that came across on the path of those authors journey. I know the touch that I
still feel through each book. I am crazy that even my toilet became reading
room.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This was my addition that if I had told my friends I
would be coward and undisciplined but was secret unless I wrote this. Until if
one of my teacher have not told me about reading books I would never have
started nor knew the capacity of making oneself smart and confident. This is
for all readers that, you have thought it right and hope you all have same
experience like me. I suggest reading if someone has never started but I guess
the one who read my book is a reader. Though I have known least but I think in
little ways I got to accelerate myself to be a writer and I will never end my
determination till I die.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Through books, one gets to experience love,
prejudice, war, peace and even sex. Life becomes lighter because we tend to
understand from experience of others. Let it be of any topics there is a
conclusion or theme that is sometimes new for us. People’s imagination is too
vast that the climax or situation created is fairy thoughts that never happen
to human but it is of fact and truth. Like in massage in the bottles, how can
that bottle reach a girl without breaking? Why Paulo Coelho says that we should
never try to realize our dream otherwise we would have no reason to go living.
Sometime things don’t teach us but we try to learn from it and that is what it
exactly happened to me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Why all the authors had exciting life was my first
question that dragged me to write this book. I used to ponder why John Milton
wrote paradise lost when he was blind and not in his normal ability. I thought
why most of the authors are pessimist of marriage and desire of pain? But I knew
all the answers that author needs a pain and emotion in order to flow the words
from their heart. They want their pain uncured. Like, if Helen Keller was not
blind she would have just enjoyed her life with seeing without feeling but
being a blind she said, ‘Beauty must be felt’. Despite being blind she had read
several books. She understood how sun shines, how flower blooms and the entire
natural phenomenon through her finger tips. May be she knew everything and she
had written “nature is not always kind.” Or Buddhist monk would never say life
is all energy if he had not experienced the meditation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The liberty we have is to express our perspective
within the boundary of truth. Like someone destroying other to obtain their
happiness or violence for independence is what this world is in conflict. Some
people are so curious about their passion and sacrifices life so easily. I
think even a terrorist will have their own reason because we all know how we
feel when we are betrayed. Since there is nothing false or bad there come lots
of books that a law has to ban for its allegory and irony. But what I mean to
say is that we the readers have all right to read and realize.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Books are amazing
when we read it and trying to read author’s state of mind. There are lots of
amazing facts written that we have never thought of. People have taken years to
write it but it could be read within a day or hours. Book holds the truth,
teaches oneself to act smatter and better. It is the source of inspiration and
confident and of course a friend that is together any time. But books are
sometime like a narcotic, the more we read the more we want to read and feel
like doing nothing than reading which is not good for a people at work. This is
my personal experience and I don’t mean it to discourage but just a suggestion.
But if we miss reading we will always miss something that are hidden because
feelings beyond the sky are found in books</span>Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-50843518870812238552013-09-28T03:49:00.003-07:002013-09-28T03:49:21.090-07:00Perfect stories<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The perfect thing touches our soul. Perfect things
makes us joy and always gives us different feelings that were never felt
before. This is a reason why there is a biography of great person on planet.
There are movies and drama about perfect things in life. Songs are perfect.
There is perfect character in books that we cannot find in reality. People like
that and wants that to happen on them but it is never happening and we don’t
know why? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As I have told in previous chapter that people are
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creation of mind and it doesn’t happen pragmatically. Nothing is perfect for
mind though it is created perfectly. Love is not perfect, marriage is never
perfect and knowing each other has never ever been perfect. People don’t let
other to be perfect. This is a reason that no one is perfect. To be perfect we
should not be living. This is what I wonder and it is wonderful things about
human being. We happen to be the most intelligent animal but most sarcastic in
nature. In wisdom we know is less than animals. We do things knowingly but
animal do it unknowingly. That is why we are sinner, we are more likely to ask
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We create
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increased, life became like a race for everyone. When people started running
they ignored small things around. From this people started believing in
destination which is end point. So human has ignored everything happening at
the moment for the interest of future. People started working so hard but could
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big lie. So how can we become perfect if we don’t realize that life is to have
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Actually who doesn’t know what’s the meaning of
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living for others not for ourselves and that is why we miss our freedom. I feel
life is very big illusion that no one can understand. If we really understand
than those who are dying must laugh and die because at the end we have known
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<br /></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-65164399435380125852013-09-28T03:48:00.002-07:002013-09-28T03:48:36.488-07:00Our world<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-40994203886772636882013-09-28T03:47:00.003-07:002013-09-28T03:47:48.233-07:00My family and people around me<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My
family and people around me</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My father is orphan whose paradise was lost till he
made himself the best father has added believes to work hard in life. He taught
me to talk with woods, trees and soil that once he was so attached with. He
signified me that we can stand alone if we urge to stand in darkness to see the
light one day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother handling
thousand of emotional pain and making her family stable have taught me to be a
man of patience. She has a quality that even if I tell to the whole world I
would still feel incomplete .She means a lot to me like anyone who does to
their mother. Later my sister and brother leaded their own life style has
helped me to build my carrier and my own lifestyle. My friends who didn’t
listen to their parents had made me to listen to my parents. The people had
hurt me many times but I knew I will never hurt them because the pain was hard
to bear. Some beggars had let me think that it is better to beg than to steal.
Some drunkard indirectly added lesson to my brain that drinking is a root cause
of broken family and life too. Some spouse who couldn’t keep their promises and
had to break up in-between has reminded me that I should become best husband
and a father. Even ants have pierced my heart to work hard day and night. A
child who has respect for all have made me to respect every one. Anyways with
this good vision I dedicate my fruitful journey to my driver who were my
teacher who had that heart to understand me<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>and my inner strength. Some time I thank my inner efforts which leaded
me in good path knowing my elders and their advices. Being like butter, melt
when it is heated and hard when freezes have made me comfortable to deal with
others .However we cannot assure that we hurt no one because carrying our own
truth and perspective that are different with other would definitely creates
misunderstanding and hatred. Therefore, we must accept few things even if it is
not good in the humanity because we are not born to impress everybody and
sometimes we have to be a man of our own.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Being with elder and trying to know something from
experienced person always helps those who are in seek of new wisdom. Though our
wisdom does not only come from age, some time it comes from nowhere if one is
concern with each moment and words. Knowledge will also come from small kids
who have known nothing but their innocence still teaches elder .Even insect
like bee who does not know their destiny seems so busy that it at least travel
a distance equal to four times around the world for one kilogram of honey. So
People have to learn from it to work hard as if tomorrow is the end. We should
never neglect the words of our elders who want to see us doing well. Some time
in my life I tried to do things myself neglecting my advisor but I could never
hit the success. Still my perspective forces me to do what my parents has to
say otherwise I would go wrong and get blame for not valuing their words. I
remember one of my friend who was victim of car accident and made all people
cry because nobody could see him after. His parents mourned with people in
crimination saying that they have advised him not to go for drive but he didn’t
listen to their words and he didn’t return home alive. Though people don’t die
without reason but dying the way I have mentioned is kind of sad things for
survivors. Who knows it never would happen if he had listen to his parents. It
is contradictory but it is real to those who believe the fact of not listening
others.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Our
weakness</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“It’s
bliss when your parents tell you that you make them proud. It doesn’t matter
how you are; their approval still counts in spades.”</span></b></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One day I was sharing my feelings with my friend
Prakash about our abilities and liberty we have as a human. We talked about so
many choices in life that we can do as a boy but at last what we have concluded
was that our parents were our weakness in everything we do. That time with that
conclusion it really touched my inner nerves feeling that “yes our parents are
our weakness”. It is true that our first thought will be our parents if we go
wrong path. If our life was directly from heaven we would never fear about
hurting someone. Since we are through parents we don’t go for everything in the
world. We don’t want to fight with people thinking our parents will lose their
dignity. We don’t want to settle somewhere far in the world from parents
because we feel they would miss us. They have built us like a pyramid with each
bricks of care and values. They have dreamt one day their children will look
after them when they can work no more, so we don’t want to neglect them when we
can stand by our own. We like to do well in life because we create happiness
among families. We choose right path because parents had been taking us till
now. We repay them because we have credit of taking their times when we were
very young. We like to hold them because they had held us when we were not able
to walk. Anyhow, repaying doesn’t mean doing what they have done rather it is
more than that. We can never repay to our parents because giving birth is a
great thing and un- returnable. We don’t value our parents and their presence
because when everything is present we don’t know the value of what we have. For
these we must learn from those orphans who wish if they had them. They will
have certain desires for their parents but they can never be able to do that
and they just cry over the sky telling “god you are selfish”. But those who
have parents seem so nuisance and un- realistic. They hardly know, one day they
will leave us making our eyes wet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My heart still becomes silent about the situation in
my class twelve. We were supposed to give extempore speech in the class by
picking the topic from box. It was smooth for me when rest of my friends talked
about something but Wangmo made a difference without speaking. It was her turn
and she picked out the paper and looked at the topic but she faded with silence
and I saw hurt in her eyes but I didn’t know the reason at that time .She told
whole class that she doesn’t have the experience about “mother love” and she
told us that we would have many experiences unlike her and she took a sit with
blushing smile on her face where our class had a reason to become silent and
feeling her emotions. This experience had let us know how people would feel
without someone where whole world has around them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Therefore, how many of us remember our parent
thanking god for having we as their child? When is the first day our mother
hugged us tight as we being so obedient and loyal to her advices? How many of
us can count a teacher who considered us as their favorite student? How many of
us appreciate ourselves for not hurting anybody till now rather we have said
sorry even when it was not our mistakes? How many of us still feel the letters
where our friends had written “Thank you for letting me know what life is or
you are best part of my life”…………</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-80228792142119876802013-09-28T03:45:00.002-07:002013-09-28T03:45:50.164-07:00Mixed up with question and answers<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br /></div>
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finding special friend and new discoveries. They also have eternal search for
permanent lover. They attract people as they live with respect and dignity.
They might hide from devil but not from life. So these are what I have learned
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<br /></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-51812270047610355912013-09-28T02:46:00.001-07:002013-09-28T02:46:35.715-07:00As a friend<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I can clearly see the wall which reminded us: “You
don’t know what you have unless it is gone”. This was a source of regret before
action. Yes, the presence of friends is not known at a time but as distance and
time goes away some thought go back to a time where we couldn’t know each
other. The time with our soul mates flies on a wing of laughter and smile. Some
time they show up like a shooting star and never found again but only sweet
memories. At some degree to someone; friendship even let us forget our parents’.
Friends cover our loneliness and give warmth to feel our existence. Some time
they take us t oo deep attachment and leave without teaching us how to live
after them. Friends are both source of emotional component. Some will just
fight and let us know what closeness is. Some will give enough satisfaction by
helping each moment and some being in silence teaches everything. At a time of
knowing friends there is a book telling us to be with it because school days
are the time where types of friends are met and the book that should not be
avoided. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Though millions people are around the globe but with
few we share our feelings and hand. We never know the faith of meeting each
other. I remember the talk with my friends when I was in high school about how
we met. We said, “We got to meet because of our ID problems” because we were in
private school. This wind of journey is unjustified because who ever we meet we
feel we have met someone who really means us but we hardly think of someone
better that we have never met. For me friends were source of inspiration
because they always had something that I never had and I got to have those
qualities in me. The most interesting things we take it from our friends are
their supporting hand and words which never fades from our heart. Even if we
are in hell with good friends we would enjoy the pain. Any where we go if we
get to shake our hand with kind people we will never dissolve into longing .I
feel sometime my life was best with friends because I still have many chit and
letters from them which give me energy to go on with my lives. I always thank
those people for letting me know who I was. I thank those people who were never
selfish to give their love and care. If this book is on the hand of those
friends who touched my eternity then they should also read my letter too if I
have not replied at that time:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">17/6/2011</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dear buddy,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I didn’t know the plan of the god for I been
stubborn. I thought nothing can open my eyes and make my heart so blind. I
thought I was just pretending to be happy with tears inside. The crazy on my
own first love and touch of books were my days. Look and admire the nature, eat
what is provided, laugh for the dry joke and smile for it is being not charged.
When it was winter I waited my autumn to see falling leaves. When it was autumn
I wanted to rush with spring to watch new plants and flowers that captured my
emotion .When it was something I wished something to happen with me is what I
did until I met you all. There after I experienced my happiness in real and it
was no more pretension. Every season became equal and meaningful. I started
believing that moments were most important. Thereafter, I liked living though
sometime things were acutely miserable, racked with the sorrow but through it
all I still knew quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. I
started knowing the life’s passion being in embrace with you all and by seeking
lasting contentment and knowledge. I always thanked god for giving you people
when I was an individual. I used to think that I was born alone and must die alone
but you people taught me there is a time in between, birth and death where I
need to live not only survive. The very moment I might have been with least
knowledge that you had provided. By not letting the memories go had let me
understand everything in positive though you all might have never meant in that
ways. You people just bloomed my soul where I could cheer myself by cheering
you all. Some of you were pathetic with yourselves and you asked help from me
and in the process of help I found I was becoming stronger. Your weakness gave
me the strength to make things complete. Yours tears taught me that friends are
to pull if one cannot climb up so that they would pull us when they reach high.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I had been thanking from that day itself when I met
you all considering some misunderstanding but we always knew how to forgive
each other. I remember there is nothing unshared and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>unheard from you all because when I
could talk I would have known how to listen too. I know I have never been on my
own ways to defeat you all rather I had been weaker than you all trying to know
what human values were. When I knew something I was never selfish to tell you
and I never expected you all to listen to me ignoring my on example. I remember
I was trying to value each and every one because you all were out of thousand
but singularly unique. Most of the time I thought, how would be this particular
me if I had never met you all who were more than angel above. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With thank and salute I also have so many apologies
and sorry to be begged especially to the person who considered me their world
and I being so stupid to choose them and not knowing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that they would have provided the world of
happiness. It’s not that I failed to understand them but my understanding was
not to hurt them because I was sticking to something I met before them. Now
they have understood me because I was not doing strange things. It’s true that
you all never gave me false smile when I was in need to cure my sadness. At
these phase I don’t find any regrets because by any how we tried to continue
our journey, I tried to hide problems but you people were too brilliant to know
everything even the most secret one. It seems everything is memorable because
we grew up sharing same breath around the four walls of our classroom. At last
I could depart from you all because we part to meet again since we have buddy
promise to meet again in life. Thank you very much my dear buddies who taught
me how to live”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-51371296669112348172013-09-26T07:24:00.005-07:002020-03-23T07:06:11.512-07:00We Dream<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Life is the strings of dreams but empty awaken. It
is that journey which is nothing at the end but only one thing different from
yesterday. To dream is the sign of tomorrow’s confidential and future hope. We
walk in the direction of our dream to live the life we have imagined. Like, it
says in a book of Paulo Coelho ‘The Alchemist’ by a character:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I am afraid if my dream is realized, I will
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normal and slow. If there is success today with yesterday’s efforts then we may
not know things for tomorrow and we become relaxed. If our success is far to
reach then we are filled with the wisdom in between. Like Thomas Alva Edison
who got to know thousand ways that didn’t work rather than thousand mistakes in
the journey of his inventions. Some time we dream a lot for something
enormously. We want to have this that, we want to get someone and we struggle a
lot but when we get it we realize that it is nothing. We want to hear our loved
one saying “I love you” and wait for so long but at the time they say “I love
you” it makes no difference because our dreams sometime gets faded with hard
endeavor. As we struggle our desire gets lesser and by the time we meet desire
we feel our desire was something equal to the thing undesired. People have many
questions in life and they suffer to get the answer and one of the notes says
like this;</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dear unknown,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Today I want to talk about my dreams. Actually,
today I can feel myself with less crave of life .I knew when we try to find
answers, life changes our question. I found out that I am not a person that I
was yesterday. Every second were the junction to begin new journey. Every
people were speaker of new ideas and there are few questions which I think it
will just drag us till we know nothing but only death .I<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>also tried to run away from it but I found myself coming back
again and again. Human lives has become like a joke that we enjoy at the end
when time is near to close our eyes. Future has been a doubt where we don’t
enjoy present. It is just like going for a walk and returning with a fish, we
never thought about fishing but thought was in process; so is dream.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I feel I have already loosed what I had to be as a
man. Those dreams were just like a pyramid of sand built on the sea shore. I
found my achievement was less in hard endeavor and never happened like as
changing eggs into chicken. God knows what I didn’t dream of and wanted
something so desperately but I had to remind myself not to dream too much
because it hurts. Now there is no reason to cry over empty sky because I knew
the gift of my parents. I knew the help of each individual who also had dream.
I knew that when we lose our dream we gain wisdom that cures our wound of not
reaching dream. I think I didn’t make any mistakes in creating dream because
dream itself was a way of living……”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Yes I got to know within a time that I was chased by
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Cool fragments of dream and rolling of wind into
unknown paradise. Upholding the live to the least death and to walk into the
lights of sadness are the days. Don't know still a big question after twenty
one years and may be same as we go to the dark land. It has taken into definite
direction and found still alive. On the age of sunshine and what we call future
still like to rush to young age. Holding onto thick compile of beliefs and
words of perfect mouth and we found the dream that never meant to capture the
life of insanity. The journey has made our eyes so desirous where even single
beauty palpates our heart... Nevertheless, it has been the way that was never
and god is so himself to see us in crave of nothingness and he rejoice it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are so nuisance to our own self but it hard
to get happiness. Most probably the truth is that there is one pain inside
never erased. I think god above would never forgive for bearing this because he
would have not written on our fate”.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-12464182349074516562013-09-26T07:24:00.001-07:002013-09-26T07:55:57.139-07:00Loving<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There
are many names, there are many people but why only one name has ability to palpitate
our heart…….?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like it
happens for a while and goes for a lifetime by the touch of god in love.
Standing under far away stars twinkling for mind freak and comfort; we are
innocent. Thinking for rightness, shrinking into multifaceted lesson of
bitterness. The fights that takes the smile at the end and kindness that abuses
hatred is we lovers. There are no stories that one does not beat their heart
for someone, if untold, would been internal romance that they dies each moment
from oblivion of others. Each human are racked by it and they take risk of pain
that are pleasure for memories. Some goes in miseries acutely sick of knowing
someone but feeling so good as if life is for a moment of truth. For a designed
being, it is revolution that rips wisdom at each days of ignorance. For a
stupor mind it is candle not only for darkness. We believe in giving, when
nothing is being received we grow strong which is the components of making one
go living.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We are born in
exemplary world, for someone is Romeo and Juliet, for some is Gasa lamey
Singye, for someone is Shah Jahan teaching love is way of creating happiness
and the sorrow that still hunts new beings. The simple form of attachment never
had been away through struggle. The arousing fear in letting know others and
the desire that is never enough sinks a dream that are built by the conscious
crave. There are silences taking breath from ached chest never healed. The
sweetness lies upon being tolerant and be able to find the truth that everyone
has liberty to experience love. Likewise, how can we say we want to take rest
in their heart if they have someone chosen? I don’t like this because it is
sad. What we can do is just cry inside and prove it.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I
also, always believed my love to be as pure as I thought, it was from the start
of that day my eyes saw someone different. Since it continue with seasons,
growth of grasses and all living things. I think I waited all winters and autumn
that I promised my love is infinite and kept hoping spring would make it more.
In the process it mixes with all stuffs paining soul and any sense we create,
sometime it is not pure as we think and it should be. When I reflect on, it is abstract
which has no mistress because it is composed of various elements which have no
true essence. Love sometimes would contemplate different phenomenon in mind
making me weak. I thought love is a medicine which cures all sorrow, but it is
not greater rather more eminent to oneself. Though numerous sentiments which
could be avoided but I cannot breathe one other side if I neglect because I may
not go living in better ways. It is all my treasure which I can purchase if I
have to because I found love teaching me differently. It always makes me
childish and let hear the songs of wind and linnet. My mind had transported
from flower to flower and sometimes to the feet of god who doesn’t tell lie. I
might be a fool but the degree it has affected my eternity is like a heaven I
have chosen the best place to live and die. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“ Love is always new. Regardless of
whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a
brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always
takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes
our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage
to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of
life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days,
weeks of disappointment and sadness.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Even
if love is one way or another we cannot escape from the habits of missing and
remembering the smile and quarrels. Anyhow missing itself is a love. We have
memories, sad or happy, delight or hurt but the heart that feels it is innocent.
Since there is hope on earth we always find better world. Let situation be the
worst today we like it just another next moment. We may get afraid of seeing
their face when we are together but just that face makes us crazy when they are
two steps away. Despite of all misunderstanding and jealousy we think them all
the time hurting ourselves but trying to recover it by going back the time how
we used to love each other. Knowing everything would hurt, still trying to
enjoy because one day or sometimes at the end it might be affection not
perfectness. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When
sun rises, going beyond the eyes and mind in the desert of finding when they
would arise and those are the time when mind goes beyond the skies. Every
things in love are just illusion and another heart break that we end life just
collecting and joining each pieces not knowing how many times that innocent
heart has broken for just one person.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">March
14 2008</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Those were all good times,
especially... when she was unaware of my love, though time passed extremely
slowly, as time should pass, with the days lingering and long, spacious and
free as the summer and winter holidays of childhood. The exciting feelings to
see her face and find myself that she had felt nothing when I met her. This
brings oneself to the meaning of one sided romance. Suspension of the time and
continuous present of silence and trouble inside goes with space. If I look at
the small feeling strapped each day to my heart, the numbers, even the sweeping
second hand and eyes waiting her, seem meaningless, almost ridiculous because
she is not changing for me…… “</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
This is love for those who weave inside for the
respect of loved one because he is afraid of losing what little they have,
friendship and simple smile they share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
don’t need wilderness whether or not we travel the world of loving other... We
need the possibility of escape from suffering and hurting oneself as surely as
we need hope but it is going to happen lately when all things turn it into
emptiness. This is a time that we remain as an individual ready to take
decision of loosing or making it once more, we give choice to them because we
have freed our mind. I mean, regardless of how much strong is our love or how
desperate we were longing to hear their acceptance, but very day even if they
make a proposal it doesn’t make any changes to strong mind. It means that, as
the day goes on accomplishing love and hope one sets his mind and wisdom that
every dream is simple when we make it. </div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";">“One doesn’t love in order to do what
is good or to help or to protect someone. If we act that way, we are perceiving
the other as a simple object, and we seeing ourselves as wise and generous
persons. This has nothing to do with love. To love is to be in communion with
the other and to discover in that other the spark of God”. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Lucida Handwriting";"></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
Love is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a defeat.
Our distressed mind helps us to change and it let us to find our own dream. It
let us write and makes personal author.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is true that we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times,
and we will experience many disappointments but all of this is transitory it
leaves no permanent mark but only good feelings that loving is not a sin. And
one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken because
love is a greatest wisdom.</div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I
ask myself, what the feeling is inside when in love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even after decade, we still don’t know and
those desire inside are never complete even when we share everything by nature.
I think nobody has found the result of love so completely where everyone is
satisfied at the end and thanking so loud that heaven can hear it. Actually
what are we searching inside love? It may not be only smile, may not be kiss
and hugs or even may not be sex but what is it? May be this answer and the love
can end after eternity.</span></div>
</div>
Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-87782054458987713162013-09-26T07:06:00.001-07:002020-03-23T07:06:11.682-07:00Heaven and earth is trustworthy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-173864870578783734.post-89615785525208398492013-09-26T06:48:00.000-07:002013-09-26T06:48:22.512-07:00Secret love letters to my Comet<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Dear comet,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You were miracle of my life like promising spring
and colorful autumn. If you ask your benefits, simple words can never explain
how much I knew how to live .I want to thank you as you let me experience love.
Life was little but enough for having you in my mind though you were oblivion
to my love and emotions. I needed you so badly but you even didn’t give me
enough time to say goodbye. Thereafter I was so lifeless to anyone who passed
by me and even single moment was not favorable. You know I survived as usual
but internally I was dying. When I missed you it was almost to the last breath
which was more than death. Several time I wanted to go away from you but I
found coming closer each days with same shaded feelings. Sometimes I looked at
myself for the truth that I have given for you but not letting you know
everything was what I liked within myself. Better than telling you I thought I
would chose silence and I did too long. These silences were my strength to love
you without your return. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“When I am nearby you I fight and become idiot and I
get courage to say nothing but when you fade and take two steps away from my
eyes you make me talk a lot. Your face and your innocence is just like a baby
that I miss too much. You know, in your absence I close my eyes and I tend to
forget the world. I am afraid to look at you when you are near but when you are
away that face tortures me and stops my breath. I think being in a love is to
become poor minded.” I used to think</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Even god must be crazy for loving you distanced and
letting me go loner when the world is with someone. Its ok I have accepted
because love should happen only one time with vital feelings and attachment
where nothing can hypnotize and take away the courage to love the one. Now I
have enough reasons why I couldn’t forget you. It was the craziest of the
feelings that I came across where I used to question myself. I know how my
heart used to palpitate. I know how I used to feel when someone dated in front
of me. I wished if there was a magic to hear your voice. I wished you were
standing in front of me giving your shoulder to let me cry over and over.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Yes dear, it never happened, it was mysterious, the
wishes that were never answered. Still I kept going for what I have not been
but always my love for you was just like a moment that I first loved you. I
thought love would be something romantic and desire less but it was empty and
nothingness. Love was the truest wisdom and experiences to hold ourselves
knowing how to see our own images through the eyes of our mind and holding the
pain like a loveliest happiness.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Today I ask myself, “do I need love” but I fade into
your memories that was never enough. Even after many years being with you I
never could know you for me but my love was just give and give. Silences were
more than enough when I could feel true love and I never wanted you anymore.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t know dear, I really care you for what you
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closer. I feel your presence is enough to feel your love because I remember
some days I have been without you. I know I have been very poor to provide your
needs and happiness but I was left with lots of questions. I wish if you had
given me the choice but your untold mystery had dragged me till your feet and I
am unable to say you many things. If god has his own story for me then one may
come and replace you to make me go with life.</span></div>
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</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Comet,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I may never find other than you. Even if you go far
away hurting me and god gives me chance to meet you again, even knowing this
sadness awaits me I will fall in love with you again” No mater, though life is
sad with each heartbreaks but I will make good reason that I got to experience
love from you. For people and to your own self there may be mistakes in you but
the way I defined you is so pure and true. Though I will never be with you but
don’t know why your single words mean a lot to me. Your tears sinks me, your
smile makes my day happy and complete. Sometimes I wish I had never met you,
wish you have never touched my heart in this depth. But I take this pain and
sorrow as little human being because you too need someone to care and love
.What if I was not there for you? You would have faded with loneliness but I
never wanted that in you. You will never know my influence. You never tried to
know your life was important to other but you will know it when I am no more in
your life. You may know one day that I was caring you like a little pet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I can assume my future because difficult days are
yet to come. I know how I will sink with ashes of dream and expectation. That
day will hurt me when I see you holding others hand. Every day I try to find
answers from you and your love but as I go further life is changing my questions.
Especially I being a seeker of silence and truth every moment are becoming like
a junction not knowing which way I should follow. But I tell my motives to hold
my innocent love. If I can love you with my young heart then why not with
grownups mind? Though there are no miracles and comfort but this hard journey
has always defined me as strong man.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Being with you I have seen many seasons changing
colors and years rolling like a shooting stars that shows up for a moment but
my love for you was like I loved you in first glance and it’s for eternal”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">SILENCE</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“You can take my childhood and my first love, you
can find the corners of my heart, you can take those colors of memories and my
empty shoulders because you might find yourself within me. Sometimes I wish I
have never felt you. Wish I have told you at first glance and have got rejected.
Or I shouldn’t have known too much about you. Knowing the influence over a time
and creating fairy mind in your absence everything magnified. Finding my own
solution to your offend and few rejection had even made me strong. I have
created the moment with you, be it be trough of against my love but I could not
give it to anyone. It was better sometimes to be away from you than making
myself lonely with you. I never assumed how much you would love me if I can
show you my trust but what I did it was, I just choose silence for quite years
thinking I would never hurt after telling I love you. I have never expected or
forced you to look at my heart that was going through pain. I know I followed
you when you were not ready but I didn’t let you know I was following you. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With my love I never wanted to be curse for you or
give you burden as you were studying hard. You were concern about your high
school performance. You asked my notes and shared those thick text books which
were heavy for you to carry from home. I still appreciate the way you waited me
when school were over. Bringing my bag, Tiffin and umbrella on the corridor
when I was attending my club period was what I liked about you because it
didn’t let me go to the class and get my things. You also avoided your own best
girlfriend to walk together from school to home. Although we were not for each
other at that time but friendship we shared was complete. I don’t know how far
I could complete you but I think I didn’t make you go alone when you were away
from your parents. Love came on the journey, fighting, laughing and sharing
those things which were pleasant for young heart. It started from Catching hand
when you were not able to climb up, singing songs which were favorite at a
time. Throwing paper to each other’s head, sharing sweets and chits has built
our trust. In the middle you were sick and you didn’t turn up to school for
days and I was waiting eagerly to ask how you were. Though I have lost what I
have written but feelings were like this:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">14 may 2006</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dear comet,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I am becoming idiot because you didn’t tell me you
were sick. I didn’t even notice your symptom when you were nearby me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Next day I waited to see you like I did
before but even after second bell your chair was empty and you never appeared
from the way I always used to look you. I asked your friends about your absence
but they had no idea. I couldn’t ask your brother because I was least confident.
This morning has been hard for me because I couldn’t see someone who used to
make my school day. I know how I stood on window pane and stared up on the hill
that you used to come like a small kid carrying ash color striped with red bag,
hanging pack lunch, playing with puppy on the way, sometime laughing with
friends. I couldn’t believe why today day was hard for me; my friends would
have not known why I was not moving from window even when they said me to move
when they were cleaning class. I hated the wind that blew over my face,
students that came from her way and even the last person to arrive school
compound. When it was time for prayer my leg didn’t move and I asked my friend
to stay with me inside the class so that your absence would not hurt me in
gathering. I didn’t share with my friend and I pretended to be sick. He told me
if he could ask permission from class teacher so that I can go to hospital. I
said no because somehow studies was important for me too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Somehow, lunch break stroked and I visited your
class to find why you were not there. At a glance I saw one paper on your
teachers table and I rushed to see it. My god! It was your leave application
written by your brother saying you went for check up. Your leave was till your
recovery and I thought I would miss you tomorrow and till you arrive. It made
me sad not because you were not there but because you were sick and I was
helpless. That time I thought of writing something on your desk but friends
would think me crazy so I came outside as if I wanted to shout outside but I
didn’t. I went above football ground where there are prayer flags dancing with
winds, I felt different with blue sky and cloud that ran over my school. The
noise that came from basketball court and children playing nearby me disturbed
my sad mind. I didn’t even bother the next period where we are supposed to cite
a stanza without looking. I had memorized but I started forgetting even after
knowing the teacher would fix me. Keeping everything behind I became senseless.
. The day went on, time kept on revolving and I just kept watching your image
within my mind. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just consoled myself
telling that life will be difficult without you”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There after I
knew how much I want you in my life and each moment. I came to realize what my
mind was doing with you though my heart didn’t understand. I felt I was falling
in love with you more and more. . The day went on, time kept on revolving and I
just kept watching your image within my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I just can’t tell you how I felt that morning and I feel you will not
believe if I tell you because this is just one sided love and one day you will
know only if you fall in love with me again…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Feelings were quite complicated to explain which I
can still feel if I look through window with cold wind. If I see clouds I go
back with that memories and every time I tried to escape that because it’s too
hard for me. As I grew up and knew few stories about true love I felt lucky
because I too have someone whom I was fallen. I heard, in true relation there
is one who loves more but in my case, until you turned after years I was only
the one, just empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even after when you
came back to school after your recovery and check up I could not share how I
felt without you. You came with spectacle and I was shock seeing you different
and beautiful because I was already double battery. When I approached you there
was no excitement in you to see me like I did to see you, may be for you I was
just as many. My question made no difference about your absence and you told me
that you were just sick as if I had not bothered you. It was just fine for me
as I always knew you don’t care me like I do. If you had acted rude on me after
knowing I love you then it would be different for me to feel but not letting
you was my other hand courage even when you didn’t bother me. Though it used to
hurt me but I had understanding about your side as you were doing it for your
friend who never told you how much he loved you. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sometimes I feel even if I had told you about my
love at that time you would never accept me. You would have avoided me and
experience different life in future. I would have become someone whom you have
met once in life that you have no feelings. Or you might have never talked with
me anymore after and kept a concept that I am a freaky guy with attitude that
you never liked. Any how it didn’t happen just because of my silence. I keep on
loving until you melted your heart with this poor guy whom you thought you
would never fall in love. Don’t you?..............</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Next
chapter</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Nothing has to remind about loved one. Even when one
tries to forget, there is extra remembrance. When someone hides true love it
satisfied oneself because he is content about his love and becoming used to
pain and loneliness. Truly, loves becomes subconscious over a time and we don’t
find a day where we have escaped them from thinking or missing if they have
been away. Little things become stories, single touch can affect whole eternity
and single mind can think more than its capacity. How wonderful is to
experience love from the one who lets us experience love. How kind is to love
the one who never loves in return or never say I love you even when they are
attached with our heart. It is absolutely like swinging together and not
letting other know how wonderful you felt so close. This all are magical
phenomenon that one should never escape knowing how it would pinch your dream. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We never know the influence over a time. We cannot
measure how strong we can become from a love that always racks. Here is a
letter for her associated with this feeling and written at a time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Comet,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t want to make fake promises and hurt you when
you finally understand my love because I am getting rid of everything. Whatever
I did, I thought a bit carefully and that genuine kindness was through your
love. Feeling hard each moment putted me forward and I never told you I was
becoming used to pain and loneliness. There were many crises I got to face and
I could always handle with courage and good purpose, as I knew, one day you
would find me in same track. Like before I needed no change for you because I
decided to die young in your heart. Even though our future was far but I could
imagine my fatherhood. Those stupid dreams had made me laugh because I could
not escape becoming your husband. I used enjoy some stolen thought from god
between you and me before it was time and I even became good father. Thinking
takes us both space of time and I was solely attached with you though I never
touched you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Every way I was noticing, people cursing
marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People talked, “it’s hard
after being with another soul” and I was bit younger to think why they tell
such things. It was reminder for me before I hurt you. I wished to those empty
skies that it would not be cursed to me one day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Next</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It has been almost a decade knowing everything
within myself with least courage to explain her how I used to feel. Sometime I
just thought from her side how she would be feeling about me when she knows
about my silence. I had guilt that I was hiding everything from her. Even when
it was eleventh year, I have not proposed her and that would have hurt her
because by then she truly loved me or may be more than I did. It holds me
strong that even not sharing my feelings she knew me more than I knew about
her. There is happiness in sharing and knowing each other was what I thought. I
planned I will never hide or wait to tell something special to her. Since she
loves me she might be expecting my words that would comfort her so I was
sharing those things to her:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Comet,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Till date it has been eleven years that my blood
and heart is pumping in your memories. I was stupid because in a year I would
have spent only two days with you. Since I have not dated with you alone I
would have got at least three hours in a day with you accompanied with your
parents because I never took you out. When your parents were near I would have
spent time just talking about our health, my studies and just about your family
which consumed at least one hours alone with drinking tea. Therefore, if I had
spent one hour with you in a day than in a year I had spent two hours in a year
which means I had spent only twenty two hours in eleven years which is crazy.
If I had courage to take you out and could have talked our secret I would be
proud for those complete moments but it didn’t happen. Just with those few
moment memories I learned to live those eleven years without your presence.
This is how I knew how one becomes used to pain and loneliness. I was searching
happiness by thinking that I must be content for the love I was giving every
day. Every moment I was trying to hide things from you because even If I had
told you about how much I miss you, you would not have sympathy on me because
my love was not going through your brain. When I couldn’t explain, you never
knew my inner things and that made me silent even when you were interested on
me. Though I knew one can never understand what others feel inside, even though
I became selfish to my love as if it was a cursed for me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I became sick
of everything and just running miles and shouting became my medicine. Whenever
I called you and couldn’t tell you so many things I just blamed myself for
still awaiting the hurt inside. That continued so long without sharing the
things that would make you happier about my love but instead I made a pause and
kept saying “one day” that I never knew it will come or not. But now I knew
that one must express things to the one who also cares equally because they
would also feel the same. I don’t know what type of pleasure I had in keeping
good things secret. Actually I was waiting for a situation to tell one day when
you have similar feelings because people can never take many things at once. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Some time you have asked me “did you miss me” and I
always said no but I was lying just because I was used to it. My love for you
reached so high in the sky without telling the things that I should tell before
I swing my first wing but I kept flying and flying just for you. I know,
silently you would have expected every time but every time I was thinking not
to tell because word didn’t matter for me but I was just expecting you to know
my silence. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I heard many things about not expecting love in
return and I guess I was just following it. But that made me strong enough to
love you but also let you go and these things were not good for you that I came
to know from your tears. I am just luckier as I still have you inside me which
I feel one day I would call you my wife. Now it’s not only my dream but yours
too but it is matter of time that haven’t occur and that always scares me and
drag me to think beyond my capacity but those higher imagination is the topic
of fight with you as you are not thinking that. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Dear comet</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I know I have been the curse in your life because I
kept on flowing you. You had to overcome fear and risk in front of your
relatives to convince them that I was just a friend. It’s true that I have seen
courage in you and that has made me more aware of you. At that time when you
were stuck to speak, I tried to tell you about me being a problem for you but I
stop myself seeing your eyes that wanted me. You might have felt hard time
managing me but those struggles I enjoyed because I couldn’t make any one more
than you. While I was writing daddy note I came to realize how important you
would be in my life if I lose whom I was in need. I thought you have something
to say when you said nothing at a time when I was speaking and I kept listening
to your heart beats. I guess you had preserved truth and may be you were into
my heart knowing love keeps someone going. I don’t know why that first touch
was the deepest for me that I kept on believing. It must have created no
difference even if you were not the loveliest lady for me but I always knew much
difference after holding you for a long time. Just sometimes I thought, “Regardless
of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there
had better be something else to take its place”. It was just a true statement
which I felt several times but ultimately what I believed is that it doesn’t
fade when that person needs us as equally. I just covered up my feelings that
you care me and want to love me and I started cursing times that never allow me
to be with you. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Comet,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You are leaving just now, a train has already begun
to fade away from my sight and I am crying with mom. I know it’s just till
Friday I was complete, but now m all alone </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and I'm not being
able to hold you, kiss you, or even fight</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">……………. though I hide my
tears from you because I wanted you to go so you can relax and just get away
from shit for a while and focus on your studies... it’s been almost some hours
since I last spoke to you and in the past hour, I have never gone that deep
without hearing your voice, or reading fresh texts. I have no idea how I’m
going to cope with you gone. I’m going to make a list to try to keep myself
busy so my brain might rest from you swimming around in it non-stop. I highly
doubt it’ll work, but it’s worth a try? I miss you so much babe. I hope you are
having a good time,,,look outside, its beautiful sceneries moving just opposite
to you..you are approaching somewhere but becoming far from me…some are passing
stool he3 ; I miss you and wish you were here with me still. I was thinking
about you and wanted you to know how much you are loved and missed… but don’t cry.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Remember how I told you I have a million thoughts
going through my head at every second of every day? Well, you are always my
main thought and every other thought in my head revolves around you. I think of
"our" new life together, every second of every day. I just want you
to know that I do want to get married and make you my child’s mom as you wrote
me (I felt soo good with that sms) and I can't think of a better person to
marry than you. I can't honestly tell you where I'd be right now if I didn't
have you. Since I've met you, I've been so happy. If I don't have you, I have
nothing, so why not fight for the only thing I do have that means anything at
all! You are my world; you consume my every thought, word and whisper. You are
there ... you are always there, and always will be. I will never let you go,
I'd rather die first.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I've been alone my whole life and I'm tired of
searching, I will look no further. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be
with anyone. You complete me, there's no longer an empty, meaningless space. I
thank you for that, for you will never know how much you mean or how much you
are needed. You are the reason I get out of bed every day, you are the reason I
have something to look forward to in my life. You are my every need and want.
When I fantasize, I think of you, my every intimate thought consists of you. I
hope you are as happy as I am. I would do anything to make you as happy as
you've made me! Baby, you make my life worthwhile and I will effortlessly try
to smile when you are sad. We will try to make every second as our best moment
in life. Don’t worry when we fight because we have grown love and that is a
reason why we go silent just for a moment but we should know how to come back
and smile.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I must
confess that in some ways I feel insufficient. My mind is questioned; can I
match your gentleness? Can I give you feelings as warm and secure as the ones
you have bestowed on me? You have chosen to show me such strong passion and
confident debate combined with secure sweet affection, that I can only hope
with time you feel a glimpse of the same emotions from me. Just feel free to
hit me because when your hand hits me I feel the pain of love not hatred. Don’t
just pick a things and heat or show anger to pots and fry pan (do u remember..).
Sorry actually I was not supporting Child rapist but making a point that he
might have touched and became illegal ….but any how its inhuman which I am
wrong to support……..buza na … <br />
Perhaps this is the chance for us to experience the passion in each other. The
most important thing is that this is not our first love experience and one
thing we must understand is that, in every relationship, whether old or new,
we're sure to experience some problems but it's up to us to solve them. These
are some of the things that might break our warm relationship and everything we
are planning ahead of us. We need to understand each other and try to have the
trust that will make this relationship work. I know you want this to work as
much as I do and I still have my hopes up, never giving up on you. Let me tell
you this thing that I believe in a real relationship: "It doesn't take
beauty to make a relationship but the heart and the mind." I know what
I've seen in you and have a special reason of choosing you. Guys are never the
same, maybe some times you might think we think alike but the heart shows all
the difference..</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For now, I
know sorry is just a word, but for what it's worth I am very sorry if I hurt
you. You also cause me pains too but it has become easy for me to forgive
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now you also know what I want from
you, you know my choice of living and being simple as far as possible but
please I want both of your hands. …….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
After getting to know you better, and going through all the tough times
together in this many years that has made us stronger, I now know I am in a
place I have never been before. I'm in a place that is calm and peaceful, but
exciting and thrilling, all at the same time. This place is neither a state of
mind, nor just one of physical being. It is a place where my soul flies. It is
a place I share with you everything so confidently….without hesitation because
there is no such mistakes I have made without you.<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm in a place where, when bad things
happen, I know that you'll be there to provide comfort and make the world right
again with your simple and honest smile, or with your soft caress of my hand.<br />
<br />
This place that I hold in my heart for you is precious beyond words. You are
there, and I am a better man because of it. When you hold me in your arms, I'm
in a place that I never want to leave, and I pray it is a place I never have to
leave. Just know that when you hold me in your arms, I am in the safest, most
treasured place in the world.<br />
<br />
The place that I am in now is the best of all. I see you as someone I can
trust, confide in, play with and enjoy life with. You make me so happy. I can't
begin to describe how you really make me feel so I will offer just this: I love
you…..plz ur body is mine..All right reserved because mine is yours……<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I will
miss you, my comet. I will look to June as the only page on the calendar that
is my favorite month, because that is when I will be in your arms again. Yes, I
will miss you and can't wait till you come home to be able to wrap my arms
around you and hold you close to my heart. Please forgive my foolish words and
girlish heart. Accept them as tokens of the emotions you inspire in me. I will
wait anxiously to be with you again. Until then you are in my heart, and in my
mind, and I will ache until your return, with a yearning that can only be
satisfied by your loving arms and warm kisses.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>13/1/2013</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Comet,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My new thoughts are coming up for you again. I am
experiencing happiness from your side. I am just knowing what peace of mind
means which I have never felt before. You see in my eyes, you will find
different vision and feelings. Ask my heart it will explain something different
but it will never say I am hurting inside. Though there are some instincts
inside me which are painful but I am trying to erase it. Even if it doesn’t go
it will still be my reasons because loving a person is always hard. Despite of
this innocent mind I would have not reached this phase of success with my love.
I know I have taken courage and hope for making you my girl and most perfectly
I would thank you for your journey in knowing me. You have walked with me and
been part of me most of my childhood days and I see you still looking good days
ahead with me. This brings me joy and promises where I can still continue to
look for better world and best place to be with you. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Still my love is priceless; you will still feel my
efforts and secret support. I have seen as many things I have to see and I also
respect what you still want to be as a women. Our wishes may not be full of
success but I know we will work hard towards it and act as if we were born for
each other. You know we have been talking about parents and children like a
soul mate. It’s true that we have been together so long but still it is not
enough even knowing too deep and that is one of the greatest gift we have for
each other. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Durga Rajhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139927837355010789noreply@blogger.com0