Sunday, September 29, 2013

A FATE OF FIRST MARRIAGE- story of my mom

All the beginnings were at fault too, and off the scent. Although the departure had been so quite since the first outbreak of the second marriage but nobody knew it. Internally both the soul was supposed to have been abandoned as hopeless. No implicated man or woman took courage or made difference in their first and truthful love. What they shall say to people in general is about the fate but this could be the decision of shameful stepmother.
The happy days were yet to appear but the shadows of night had gathered so fast that both of them didn’t notice that it was their last day together.
After forty years, both the young man and women made their families in different direction without any information. For them being together in the past; the first child born from her is believed to be his blood no matter how this fact will be considered by second husband. The child was a boy and he was turning almost forty but he was happy with his own out bringing till the date. He had already made a choice because his entire livelihood was with second father since he was in a womb when his mother married with him.
Apart this fact there was happiness in him provided by new father because this fact was never talked or considered and life was as usual for everybody, but he was always searched by his blood related father which was suspended for decades.
The old man was in search of his first child and his first wife though he also had good families. He had a secret reasons and he was desperate throughout his lives. He was incomplete because he could neither forget nor meet once. He sent several messages and request if his child and his ex- wife could come and meet him for his grief recovery.
Although a child and mother heard of this news but they were afraid of society and a father whom they were with. Especially a mind and feelings of a mother was never known. She never shared her sadness with anyone but looking at her eyes, there was pain inside her that she was also going through that kind of pain that was going through in her ex- husband but she was silent for the sake of her new families. She was weak and everything revolved inside her and nobody asked if she wanted to meet him but the fact is that she won’t meet because most of their life has already passed without it.
Despite of mother being others, a child is always his and every one can understand that, even his new father. So this made son courage’s but sad things are that he couldn’t decide whom he really belongs to. A constant request and invitation from first father made a boy to see him once and make him happy. He decided to visit him but before that he asked his mother and father to allow him and also to the rest of his siblings. He was allowed and he visited for the first time with his wife and children and he was almost to his door steeps…….Father watched unconsciously….
Reverting for a moment to his past betray, he observed a tearful movement of his eyes towards his first son. He stepped aside and his hand took support from pillar but he didn’t speak out of his own will and desire rather he felt in his heart, a noble return of his past injurious eyes. This was a moment he stayed to finish what was there in his longing mind.
 It was not so strange to see the return from distance but so strange to have lived to his time of life all empty. It was like a life yet to begin at that old age because he saw something that was to be seen at forty years before. May be the boy was missing in his mind and under his arm. He whispered that he never left a true and loving heart behind for his son and his first wife. His breath fell like a flame of fire and just that old story begun..….
“This is a pillar your mother and I carried together to build this house” he pointed at old pillar that he lined when the boy appeared on him. “She worked hard to build my home as if our lives were to be spent together”. He looked at that pillar with some disappointed in his face but with a respectful and patient conviction that he still have her voice and echo in his innermost heart.
“I don’t blame her for this cause as she was too innocent but all the time I boiled my blood thinking about her step mother who arranged her second marriage and took her away from me.”
His frustration was reveled in his face that he will never forgive her step mother because she was the root cause of their sorrow. “My dear, at this phase, this heart won’t allow me to tell every detail about those painful times I have gone through.” Father said in his fading voice...
 “What do I know is nothing father” a boy said in his quite manner. “Of reality and truth; aspiration and affection or all the part of my nature and boyhood has already been nourished. Now what I can aspire myself is about your love and remembrances. I know you have been so careful of me and what I would  wish is to do little I can and the little I am fit for your side, rest are all for your rest of the children because they deserve the most.”
“Off course I know that”, father remarked, “I actually do not see the application of my desire on you. It is satisfactory to me. What I got has already been lost but the fact of my mind is usually goes with practical mind. My case has already ruined when your mother was taken away”. Father lined his back in his chair and bent his deep set eyes upon boy’s face. Perhaps he might have seen one wavering moment in the boy…
A son said, “Your memories does more honor than my insignificance deserve. I am more thankful as you drew my mother’s portrait so perfectly. You presented her living image in your mind but the fact is that she never shared this with me and she might have many good reasons about that. Nothing more was said on this theme and even I was shock with this painful history. I believe my mother had also fallen down to depart from you. She had been quite all the times because she could have made no difference rather lay hidden in her own closed heart.”
The atmosphere began to be quite and due to too much things to share both of them became quite for a while. Old man’s wife gave a company without hesitation or being hurt for this story. She said to a boy, “I also suppose that no one ever had occasion to think you differently. Even I gave three sons and two daughters to your farther but with this fact we considered you as our first son in our family hierarchy. I never made any objection to your father about this fact since our marriage. I have grown old with him even though he never erased the memories of your mother but I was positive of it and I respected what he had for your mother as she being his first wife.”
On that being told, Father explained that, “Love is very strange things to be experienced and it is the very first love that goes deepest. It is a dream of childhood, it is airy fables, it is graceful, beautiful humane. Love can be first, second or third but first one with genuine heart departs; it takes all the memories beyond the world of all lonesome and solitudes.
It is good to be believed in once, so good to be remembered no matter what the hell life goes with. It happened with your mother, as hope was started, next day neither she approached nor I could eat her meal. Thinking how she had journeyed and how she might be making living always gave me nightmare. Her feeble voice sounded so far away in her bundle of shawl and the sound of another man hunted me the most but that always told me the nature of my fate”.  Every line in his face deepened as he said it and putted in its affecting evidence of the suffering he had undergone.
Although father had just begun his first verse of his heart but those little words was huge sentiments for the listeners….and this would never end unless he die, the songs of sorrow keeps overflowing every day and every night…..
The experience of an idle man who neither wants to die nor forget his painful story is nostalgic and scattered among the crowed. He is pretending the secret matter through the conscious death. He could have been million times happier and wiser, more loving and contented if he had changed his mind that strokes him.
 Likewise, his love traveled the world through chain of hurdles. In the strength of his misfortune he also had to marry someone to continue his living. He had enough wealth and pride but when something is missing, till we get it we are still incomplete. This was happening on him.
After some hours of complex conversation, a night occupied the sky and dinner was already ready. Finally, father said, “My son, you are going to devote to yourself as you have made up your mind without me. Everything is true and I made no pretence to you. I have seen little here and there, ups and down; I have found it all to be worthless. The result of the varieties of boredom I have already undergone and that is conviction that life is different at any case. I pray no more, I am just satisfied to see you near me and the memories of your mother will just get burnt with me and go for eternal. Nothing is left, just to die soon and look for another chance if god has seen”…..

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