Some opposites

Like a helping knife, it also takes a life; good things do opposite sometimes. Everything does not prove to be the best even the one whom we cannot live without. We suffer because we want good things and these good things are all desire that makes one endure to rough way. I was always reminded by my brother to avoid many friends because I give too much time to them. I was against it because friends were oxygen for me but trying to be the best friend had taught me something that he was not wrong. The reasons were simple; we laugh together but cry alone. I know I was weak to say no when friends ask something. Sometimes I laugh at the deeds that I had to do to support them. There are many dangerous intense I have gone through to make others happy. We have to hide tears and act as if we were born to impress other. It’s difficult to be a good friend, student or child of a parent because we have to be with them with their expectation. When we don’t be with ourselves we are losing our liberty and living a life for other is hindrance for not being able to follow our heart.

I remember a time when I gave so many reasons why to love someone was worst than anything and it was a time when I was waiting my first love to return. Today I have so many reasons to love because my first love returned which I am going to talk in next book. But I don’t want to escape the reason why love is not good just because I felt in between. It goes like this:

27/5/2007

“I felt good when I thought I can love because I was innocent. Today I ask myself; is it good to love someone? My reasons to say no seem stronger because time has taught me that I was not loving but wasting my time. My love told me not to love other unless love oneself. We value other as if we don’t exist and need to care ourselves. Loving other is simply trying to know someone neglecting our own soul and value. We are hurting the only heart that beats for life and letting our brain go numb. We are writing their names everywhere as if we have not known the words from our teachers. We are thinking of them as if we don’t have to think about our parents and some valuable people. We are jealous as if we have not known the teaching of Buddha. What is the use of loving someone if we don’t get it rather we love some books that gives us everything. Don’t we think that we are neglecting other though they are same? We just love them because we want to be under them and forget our responsibilities. Our love is something that brings us to the ground and never let to fly with success. When we love someone we are losing other who could have given more happiness. In every relationship there is always one who loves more. To love someone that does not return is like standing in rain knowing that we will become sick but not knowing what makes it feel so good……”.

So these were thoughts when I was weak to understand the meaning of things that was happening to me and I don’t feel I was wrong to think it. Only because of those thoughts I started knowing myself from my love. I started to know the meaning why we have to hold our heart every day from desire.